In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative efforts on society?
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June 3, 2020 at 3:07 pm
In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative efforts on society?
People’s lifespans have been extending due to technological progress and the increase in living quality. In my opinion, though the elderly could contribute to society, an increasing number of that age group also poses some issues.
One advantage related to the ageing population is that elders could provide labour and wisdom to society. Generally, as the number of old people grows, they are inclined to defer retirement and likely to achieve success in their careers because they have accumulated quantities of working experience. At the same time, sophisticated elders could impart their knowledge and skills to the younger generation. As an example, some senior managers can teach young people how to run a company, and how to offer better services to clients.
Nevertheless, the government has to pour a great deal of money for the elderly since they rely on medical care and pensions, which leads to a burden on taxpayers. Meanwhile, other departments may lack capital. In addition, senior citizens would set aside money rather than consuming. This could have a negative effort on the economy.
On the other hand, as some old people cannot look after themselves well and are prone to get ill, their children have to take care of them. The consequence is that some youngsters who lead hectic life are confronted with more difficulties and pressure. They even have arguments with each other.
To conclude, although we can take advantage of old people’s wisdom, we cannot neglect problems associated with the ageing population.
June 4, 2020 at 4:25 pmScore: 57.6
Issues:
- About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
- About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
- The thesis is vague and unspecific;
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
June 5, 2020 at 2:17 pmPeople’s lifespans have been extending due to improvements in technology and the increase in living quality. Though the elderly could contribute to society, I would argue that an increasing number of senior citizens poses some issues.
One advantage related to the ageing population is that elders could provide labour and wisdom to society. Generally, as the number of elders grows, people are inclined to defer retirement and likely to achieve success in their careers because they have accumulated quantities of working experience. At the same time, sophisticated elders could impart their knowledge and skills to the younger generation. For example, some senior managers can teach young people how to run a company, and how to offer better services to clients.
Nevertheless, the government has to pour a great deal of money for the elderly since they rely on medical care and pensions. This is normally achieved by requiring working people to pay higher income tax and cutting funds for other essential services. Besides, senior citizens would set aside money rather than consuming. This could lead to an adverse effect on the economy.
On the other hand, as some senior citizens cannot look after themselves well and are prone to get ill, their children have to take care of them. The consequence is that some youngsters who lead hectic lives are confronted with more difficulties and pressure. They even have arguments with each other.
To conclude, although we can take advantage of senior citizens’ wisdom, we cannot neglect problems associated with the ageing population.
June 7, 2020 at 3:39 pmScore: 54
Final Revision
People’s lifespans have been extending due to improvements in both technology and the
increase inliving quality. Though the elderly could contribute to society, I would argue that an increase in theincreasingnumber of senior citizens poses/can cause some issues.One advantage
related to theof anageingaging population is that elders could provide labour and wisdomto[ contribute …to ] for society. Generally, as the number of elders grows, people are inclined to defer retirement.andThese senior citizens are also likely to achieve success in their careers because they have accumulated quantities of working experience. [ This sentence is irrelevant to the topic. ]At the same time,sophisticatedexperienced and resourceful elders could impart their knowledge and skills to the (younger generation)/youngersters. For example, some senior managers can teach young people how to run a company,and how to offer better services to/for clients.On the other hand, an aging population can also be a notable social challenge. For instance,
Nevertheless, thegovernment has to pour[pour .. to ] spend a great deal of money for/on sustaining the elderly‘ssince they rely onmedical care and pensions. This is normally achieved by requiring working people to pay higher income tax and cutting funds for other essential public services. Besides, many senior citizenswouldtend to set aside money rather than consuming, which. Thiscould lead toan adverse effect on the economy[ unclear] a stagnant economy.On the other hand, asAdditionally, since some senior citizens cannot look after themselves welland are prone to get ill[unparalell cannot/are ] due to health reasons, their children have to take care of them. The consequence is that some youngsters who lead hectic lives (are confronted with more) [ passive] have to confront additional difficulties and pressure. They even have arguments with each other.To conclude, although we can take advantage of senior citizens’ wisdom, we cannot neglect problems associated with (the/an aging
ageingpopulation) [ repetition ]an old age.
