Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

  • hamburgersct
    University: Dalian University of Technology
    Nationality: 中国
    November 17, 2019 at 2:00 pm

    Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. TPO 54 Independent Writing Task

    Recently, there are some debates about whether governments should sponsor arts more than athletics, and some people say that is a good idea. However, I don’t think it is a fine policy for most of the citizens in this country.

    Athletics helps people to keep fit in daily life. No matter for sports stars, or ordinary people, everyone does sports for keeping a good condition, in which there’s no suffering of illness and weakness. For those who are on their works, a good health condition means they can work more efficiently, and for those who are still studying in school, they need a healthy body for doing research and getting ready for knowledge. From this point of view, spending money in support of athletics is beneficial for all citizens.

    Athletics not only benefit one’s physical health, but also affect one’s mental health. Participation in sports events makes people feel more relaxed and confident. With a good mental condition, they will have more power to face the difficulties in daily life and fix them much more easily. If governments would put more budgets in support of athletics, such as building more gyms or sports center, people will have more opportunities to do some sports. They will feel the joy of happiness and achievement, which is known as a kind of positive mental feelings.

    Supporting the development of athletics not only means giving citizens more opportunities to keep fit, but also means sponsoring the sports teams with more financial power. The state-sponsored teams will show up in many international sports meetings, if they get a good score, all people in the country will feel very proud and happy. That’s a perfect opportunity to unite the spirit of all people in one country, thus they will feel their power as a community. In this way, spending more money in athletics also means supporting the spirit as a union.

    All in all, no matter for the physical or mental health of all people, or the reunion of national spirit, put more effort into supporting athletics will be a good idea.

    November 19, 2019 at 10:52 pm

    Score: 54.6

    Issues:

    1. More than half of the sentences exceed 20 words. Split/shorten them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    hamburgersct
    University: Dalian University of Technology
    Nationality: 中国
    November 21, 2019 at 2:37 pm

    Recently, some people say the government should sponsor arts rather than athletics. But I don’t think it’s a good policy for most of the citizens in this country.

    First of all, Athletics helps people to keep fit in their daily life. No matter for sports stars or ordinary people, everyone does sports to stay in good condition. Because no one wants to bear the pain and illness. For people at work, health makes them work more efficiently. For students, a healthy body prepares them for research and knowledge. From this point of view, supporting athletics with more fundings is beneficial for all citizens.

    Athletics not only benefits one’s physical health but also affects one’s mental state. Participation in sports events makes people feel more confident and energetic. With a good mental condition, people will be stronger to face difficulties in daily life and fix them more easily. If the government budgets more fundings for athletics, people will have more opportunities to do some sports. They can feel the joy of fitness and achievement, which is a kind of positive sentiment.

    Another way to support athletics is to sponsor sports teams with financial power. These teams show up in international sports meetings and get good scores. All the people in the country will feel very proud and excited. That’s a good opportunity to unite the spirit of all the people in one country. Thus they’ll feel their power as a community. In this way, spending more money on athletics also means supporting the spirit as a union.

    All in all, no matter for the physical and mental health of all citizens, or for the reunion of national spirit, put more effort into supporting athletics is a good idea.

    November 21, 2019 at 9:50 pm

    Score: 70.8

    1. Passive voice: You’re using enough active voice. That’s great!
    2. There is enough variety in your sentences. That’s great!
    3. None of the paragraphs are too long. Great job!
    4. Great sentence length!
    5. Transition words: Well done!

    Recently, [ grammatical error/ Recently, some people said ] some people say that the government should sponsor arts rather than athletics. [ grammatical error/punctuation error with coordinating word ] But I don’t think it’s [ informal ] a good policy for most of the citizens in this country.

    First of all, Athletics[ spelling error ] helps people to keep fit in their daily life. No matter for sports stars or ordinary people, everyone does sports to stay in good condition because. Because no one wants to bear the pain and illness. For people at work, health makes them work more efficiently. For students, a healthy body prepares them for research and acquiring knowledge. From this point of view, supporting athletics with more fundings is [BE Verb/remains  ]beneficial for all citizens.

    Athletics not only benefits one’s physical health but also affects one’s mental state. Participation/participating in sports events makes people feel more confident and energetic. With a good mental condition, people will be stronger to face difficulties in daily life and fix/address them more easily. If the government budgets more fundings for athletics, people will have more opportunities to do some sports. They can feel the joy of fitness and achievement, which is a kind of positive sentiment.

    Another way to support athletics is to sponsor sports teams with financial power. These When these teams get good scores show up in international sports meetings and get good scores. All, all the people in the country will feel very proud and excited. That’s a good opportunity to unite the spirit of all the people in one country. Thus they[unclear pronoun  ]’ll feel their power as a community. In this way, spending more money on athletics also means supporting the spirit[unclear/solidarity  ] as in a union.

    All in all, no matter for the physical and mental health of all citizens, or for the reunion of national spirit, [unclear/wordy  ]put [  grammatical error]more effort into supporting athletics is a good idea.

    hamburgersct
    University: Dalian University of Technology
    Nationality: 中国
    November 22, 2019 at 2:50 am

    Recently, some people said that the government should sponsor arts rather than athletics. In my opinion, it doesn’t seem like a good proposal for most of the citizens in this country.

    First of all, athletics helps people to keep fit in their daily life. No matter for sports stars or ordinary people, everyone does sports to stay in good condition because. No one wants to bear the pain and illness. For people at work, health makes them work more efficiently. For students, a healthy body prepares them for research and acquiring knowledge. From this point of view, supporting athletics with more fundings remains beneficial for all citizens.

    Athletics not only benefits one’s physical health but also affects one’s mental state. Participating in sports events makes people feel more confident and energetic. With a good mental condition, people will be stronger to face difficulties in daily life and address them more easily. If the government budgets more fundings for athletics, people will have more opportunities to do some sports. They can feel the joy of fitness and achievement, which is a kind of positive sentiment.

    Another way to support athletics is to sponsor sports teams with financial power. When these teams get good scores in international sports meetings and, all the people in the country feel very proud and excited. That’s a good opportunity to unite the spirit of all the people in one country. Thus people will feel their power as a community. In this way, spending more money on athletics also means supporting solidarity in a union.

    All in all, no matter for the physical and mental health of all citizens, or the solidarity of a nation, putting more effort into supporting athletics is a good idea.

    December 4, 2019 at 9:34 pm

    Score: 66.6

    I will send you the final revision shortly.

    December 6, 2019 at 2:13 am

    Recently, some people said [rephrase] that the government should sponsor arts rather than athletics. In my opinion, it doesn’t [does not] seem like a good proposal for most of the citizens in this country [delete].

    First of all, athletics helps people to [delete] keep fit in their daily life. No matter for sports stars or ordinary people [uneccesary], everyone does sports to stay in good condition because. No one wants to bear the pain and illness. [combine two previous sentences] For people at work [simplify], health makes them work more efficiently. For students, a healthy body prepares them for research and acquiring knowledge [simplify ex: “learning”]. From this point of view, supporting athletics with more fundings [make singular] remains beneficial for all citizens.

    Athletics not only benefits one’s physical health but also affects one’s mental state. Participating in sports events [delete] makes people feel more confident and energetic. With a good mental condition [rephrase], people will be stronger to face difficulties in [add possessive pronoun] daily life and address them more easily[change to “better”]. If the government budgets [change to “allocates”] more fundings [make singular] for athletics, people will have more opportunities to do [change verb] some sports. They can feel the joy of fitness and achievement, which is a kind of positive sentiment [rephrase].

    Another way to support athletics is to sponsor sports teams with financial power [redundant]. When these teams get good scores [change noun] in international sports meetings and, [delete] all the people in the country [simplify] feel very proud and excited. That’s [That is] a good opportunity to unite the spirit of all the people in one country[rephrase]. Thus[add comma] people will feel their [replace with more] power as a community. In this way, spending more money on athletics also means supporting solidarity in a union [rephrase].

    All in all, no matter [delete] for the physical and mental health of all citizens, or[change to “and”] the solidarity of a nation, putting more effort into supporting athletics is a good idea.

    December 19, 2019 at 5:20 pm

    Completed.