In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

  • crystal_li
    University: NWU
    Nationality: China
    April 3, 2020 at 4:26 am

    In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.

    Nowadays,  some parents decide to give their children a small amount of money. These parents believe that trying to manage some money at young age could help their children to become financially responsible adults. I totally agree with that opinion.

    First, learning to manage money in childhood enables children to understand how precise money is. After spending money on their favorite toys, they might be aware of its value. Thus, these children are not likely to waste money in buying a lot of unnecessarily things, such as brand-name clothes. For instance, when I was six, my mother began to give me ten dollars per month as pocket money. Because I fancied Tom and Jerry the cartoon, I spent all the ten dollars on a video tape about this as soon as I got the money for the first time. However, I felt regret the next day when I saw my classmates eating ice creams, and I have no money to buy one. This experience has taught me a lesson that money is valuable and I have to use it well.

    Besides, starting to manage money at young age allows children to practice the money managing skills gained from their parents. Unlike young adults who usually live on campus or far away from home, kids often spend plenty of time stay with their parents. Therefore, they could closely watch how financially responsible adults, their parents, generate money, and imitate them to manage their own money. Take me as an example, every time my mother made plans about her salary, I sat with her and learned. She likes to divide the money into three parts, and the amount and usage in each part are different. After noticing that, I tried to divide my pocket money too. To start with, I planned to spend seven dollars in snakes and store three dollars each month. Then I discovered seven dollars per month was too less, so I lowered the planed money to be stored.

    In a word, to become financially responsible adult, children are supposed to study money managing at young age.

    April 9, 2020 at 2:01 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    crystal_li
    University: NWU
    Nationality: China
    April 14, 2020 at 2:52 am

    Nowadays, some parents decide to give their children a small amount of money. These parents believe that trying to manage some money at a young age could help their children to become financially responsible adults. I agree with that opinion.

    First, learning to manage budget in childhood enables children to understand how precise money is. Since spending money on their favorite toys, they might be aware of its value. Thus, these children are not likely to waste money on buying a lot of unnecessary things, such as brand-name clothes. For instance, when I was six, my mother began to give me ten dollars per month as pocket money. Because I fancied Tom and Jerry the cartoon, I spent all the ten dollars on a book about this as soon as I got the money for the first time. However, I felt regret the next day when I saw my classmates eating ice cream, as I had no money to buy one. This experience has taught me a lesson that money is valuable, and I have to use it well.

    Besides, managing money allows children to practice the money managing skills gained from their parents. Unlike young adults who usually live on campus or far away from home, kids often spend plenty of time staying with their parents. Therefore, they could closely watch how financially responsible adults, their parents, generate money and imitate them to manage their own money. Take me as an example. Every time my mother made plans for her salary, I sat with her and learned. She likes to divide the money into three parts, and the amount and usage in each portion are different. After noticing that, I tried to apart my pocket money too. To start with, I planned to spend seven dollars on snakes and store three dollars each month. Then I discovered seven dollars per month was little, so I lowered the planned money to be saved.

    In a word, to become a financially responsible adult, children are supposed to study money managing at a young age.

    April 18, 2020 at 4:18 pm

    Score: 74.9

    Issues:

    1. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    crystal_li
    University: NWU
    Nationality: China
    April 22, 2020 at 6:37 am

    Nowadays, some parents decide to give their children a small amount of money. These parents believe that trying to manage some money at a young age could help their children to become financially responsible adults. I agree with that opinion.

    First, learning to manage money in childhood enables children to understand how precise money is. Since spending money on their favorite toys, they might be aware of its value. Thus, these children are not likely to waste money on buying a lot of unnecessary things, such as brand-name clothes. For instance, when I was six, my mother began to give me ten dollars per month as pocket money. Because I fancied Tom and Jerry the cartoon, I spent all the ten dollars on a book about this as soon as I got the money for the first time. However, I felt regret the next day when I saw my classmates eating ice cream, as I had no money to buy one. This experience has taught me a lesson that money is valuable, and I have to use it well.

    Besides, managing money allows children to practice the money managing skills gained from their parents. Unlike young adults who usually live on campus or far away from home, kids often spend plenty of time staying with their parents. Therefore, they could closely watch how financially responsible adults, their parents, generate money and imitate them to manage their own money. Take me as an example. Every time my mother made plans for her salary, I sat with her and learned. She likes to divide the money into three parts, and the amount and usage in each portion are different. After noticing that, I tried to apart my pocket money too. To start with, I planned to spend seven dollars on snakes and store three dollars each month. Then I discovered seven dollars per month was little, so I lowered the planned saving money.

    In a word, to become a financially responsible adult, children should study money managing at a young age.

    April 23, 2020 at 3:46 pm

    Score: 74.6

    Final Revision

    Nowadays, some parents decide to give their children a small amount of money. These parents believe that trying[ confusing/ who trying? parents or kids?/teaching their children ] to manage some money at a young age could help their children to them become financially responsible adults. I agree with that this opinion.

    First, learning to manage money in childhood enables children to understand (how precise money is)[ unclear ] . Since While spending money on their favorite toys, they kids might be aware of its the value of money, . Thus, these children are not likely to waste money on buying a lot of thereby discouraging them to buy unnecessary things, such as brand-name clothes. For instance, when When I was six, for instance, my mother began to give me ten dollars per month as pocket money. Because I fancied Tom and Jerry, the cartoon series, I spent all the ten dollars on buying a relevant book about this as soon as I got[ informal/received ] the money for the first time. However, I felt regretful the next day when I saw my classmates eating ice cream, as I had no money to buy one. This experience has taught me a lesson that money is valuable, and I have to use it well/wisely/prudently.

    Besides, managing money allows children to practice the money/finance managing skills gained from their parents.[This seems to talk abou the same thing as the last paragraph  ] Unlike young adults who usually live on campus or far away from home, kids often spend plenty of time staying with their parents. Therefore, they could closely watch how financially responsible adults, their parents make and spend money, generate money and imitate them to manage their own money. Take me as an example. Every time my mother made plans for her salary, I sat with her and learned how she did. She likes liked to divide the money into three parts, and the amount and usage in each portion are different. After noticing that, Thereafter, I tried to apart my pocket money into different potions and assigned a purpose for each. too. To start with, I planned to spend seven dollars on snakes and store three dollars each month. Then I discovered seven dollars per month was little, so I lowered the planned saving money.

    In light of what is discussed above, in addition to my own money-management learning experience, I am of the opinion that In a word, to become a financially responsible adult, children should study money managing money at a young age benefits kids significantly.