Reply To: TPO 34 Integrated Writing: A huge marine mammal known as Steller’s sea cow once lived in the waters around Bering Island off the coast of Siberia. It was described in 1741 by Georg W. Steller, a naturalist who was among the first Europeans to see one. 

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing TPO 34 Integrated Writing: A huge marine mammal known as Steller’s sea cow once lived in the waters around Bering Island off the coast of Siberia. It was described in 1741 by Georg W. Steller, a naturalist who was among the first Europeans to see one.  Reply To: TPO 34 Integrated Writing: A huge marine mammal known as Steller’s sea cow once lived in the waters around Bering Island off the coast of Siberia. It was described in 1741 by Georg W. Steller, a naturalist who was among the first Europeans to see one. 

Administrator
University: University of Wisconsin
October 15, 2020 at 9:16 pm

Score: ungraded

Issues:

  1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
  2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.