Reply To: It is better to work for a business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one’s own family

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › TOEFL Writing › It is better to work for a business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one’s own family › Reply To: It is better to work for a business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one’s own family

EuStemJobs Grant Seeker
Administrator
University: University of Wisconsin
November 2, 2020 at 10:43 pm

Score: ungraded

Issues:

  1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
  2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
  3. Preposition errors
  4. Make your argument clear in your introduction and provide some supporting points. Do not just restate the question.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.