Reply To: It is better to work for a business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one’s own family

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing It is better to work for a business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one’s own family Reply To: It is better to work for a business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one’s own family

Administrator
University: University of Wisconsin
November 6, 2020 at 5:15 pm

Score: 53.4

Issues:

  1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
  2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
  3. Refer to issue 4 from previous advice
  4. Wordy – remove unnecessary words and phrases

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.