Reply To: High school requires students (aged 16-17) to choose an activity to attend in the summer holiday

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing High school requires students (aged 16-17) to choose an activity to attend in the summer holiday Reply To: High school requires students (aged 16-17) to choose an activity to attend in the summer holiday

Administrator
University: University of Wisconsin
December 14, 2020 at 4:05 pm

Currently, students are required to attend some activities during the summer holiday [factual error  ]. They should choose one activity between (taking part in)[wrong phrase  ] the[ article error ] university-level courses and visiting the[ article error ] museums. From my perspective, (the latter is better)[ vague/use concrete verbs or adjectives ].

First, it[ unclear pronoun ] is an opportunity for students to apply their theoretical knowledge to practice. There[ redundant/avoid using THERE BE sentences ] is[ grammatical error ] (lots of )[ informal writing ]essential things that students cannot (just)[ redundancy ] (get) [ informal writing ]only on the[article error  ] campus without (using or getting in touch with them)[ unclear ]. It[ Unclear pronoun ] is obvious that high school students have got[informal  ] sufficient knowledge about history[ spelling error ] and other fields. As a result, there[redundant  ] is nothing that is more important for students to practice or (touch)[wrong word  ] the knowledge in real life. At the same time, museums and other historical places are ready to offer students a chance to realize what true knowledge is. It[ redundant ] is generally agreed [ unnecessary passive ]that they[ unclear pronoun ] are built [unnecessary passive sentences  ]by the government for the young to learn more about the historical or scientific knowledge.

Besides, taking that[ unclear pronoun ] activity can help students cultivate (national pride)[ unclear ] and belonging[unclear  ]. There [ redundant ]are numerous things[ vague word ] in the museum such as our[redundant  ] ancients’ clothes and weapons. They can remind students of our country’s prosperity in [ article error ]old time. In the past thousand years, our homeland is [grammatical error  ]the most prosperous country around the world. Likewise, our country also had lots of [ informal ]outstanding inventions that lead[ grammatical error ] to (a giant change)[word form error  ] worldwide. However, we can only realize them by visiting museums and historical places. (In this case, only in this way )[repetition/redundant  ]students can[grammatical error  ] be [ replace dull BE verb with concrete verb ]more confident on their nationality due to (the national pride and belonging)[ repetition/unclear ].

In conclusion, I firmly believe that students should visit museums and historical places. On the one hand, it[ unclear pronoun ] can help students connect the[article error  ] knowledge to the [article error  ]practice in their real lives. At the same time, they can cultivate national pride and belonging[repetition  ].