Reply To: These days, children spend more time on doing homework or participating in organized activities related to school or sports. However, they should be given more time to do whatever they want.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing These days, children spend more time on doing homework or participating in organized activities related to school or sports. However, they should be given more time to do whatever they want. Reply To: These days, children spend more time on doing homework or participating in organized activities related to school or sports. However, they should be given more time to do whatever they want.

Administrator
University: University of Wisconsin
December 18, 2020 at 4:31 pm

Score: 50.1

Issues:

  1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Most of them are unnecessarily lengthy. Simplify or split them.
  2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. In consideration of sentence coherence, the subject of a sentence better echoes the subject, or the object, of the prior sentence. The subject of a passive sentence, however, often fails to do so, which severely damages the logical flow between sentences.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.