Reply To: Which would you choose: a higher pay job with longer work hours or an average pay job with normal work hours?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Which would you choose: a higher pay job with longer work hours or an average pay job with normal work hours? Reply To: Which would you choose: a higher pay job with longer work hours or an average pay job with normal work hours?

Administrator
University: University of Wisconsin
January 4, 2021 at 10:27 pm

Score: 60.9

Issues:

  1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Most of them are unnecessarily lengthy. Simplify or split them.
  2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. In consideration of sentence coherence, the subject of a sentence better echoes the subject, or the object, of the prior sentence. The subject of a passive sentence, however, often fails to do so, which severely damages the logical flow between sentences.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.