Reply To: These days, children spend more time on doing homework or participating in organized activities related to school or sports. However, they should be given more time to do whatever they want.
TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › TOEFL Writing › These days, children spend more time on doing homework or participating in organized activities related to school or sports. However, they should be given more time to do whatever they want. › Reply To: These days, children spend more time on doing homework or participating in organized activities related to school or sports. However, they should be given more time to do whatever they want.
University: University of Wisconsin
As our[ wrong word ] burgeoning [ word makes no sense in the context ] education industry grows by (leaps and bounds)[ use literal writing ] , educational [word repetition ] institutions and parents are setting
numerous rigid regulations for children to meet, aiming for [ thereby ] equipping our next generation with competitive edges. Such a trend is devastating for[word carries multiple meanigns ] its deprivation of youth’s creativity and independence. Thus, I strongly advocate that children should be given more time to do what interests them the most.
To begin with, creativity allows children to explore [their ] interests. (It is universally acknowledged that)[ wordy/redundant ] creativity boosts [/facilitates ] the development of our society. However, our society is losing its creativity[ unclear ] . (For instance, attributable to the rigid exam-oriented education system, an avalanche of cookie-cutter graduates who rarely possess creativity warms into the job market.)[ wordy and unclear ] If our education system still turns[grammatical error – subjunctive voice ] a deaf ear to such an urgent issue, (the development of our nation)[ repetition ] will (reach to blind alley soon)[ unclear ] . Thus, giving children more time to explore[ unclear ] is an excellent opportunity to cultivate their creativity.
Besides, parents allowing children to explore their interests helps them learn how to manage their own life. The earlier the parents allowing kids to make their own decision, the easier the children grow independently. My personal is a good example. When I was in primary school, my mother signed me up for painting club, school chess, and plentiful extra courses. Nevertheless, she never forgot to empty the whole Sunday afternoon so that I could manage my own time. I usually divided it into two parts – reading and playing games. Nourishing from the aforementioned experience, I grow the habit of determining my own schedule and learn to be independent.
Some people may argue that doing homework and participating in school-related activities make it possible for the youngsters to embrace the most promising future, but is not it too early for our kids to step on the perfectly right track and live a perfectly planned life?
In conclusion, it is wiser to leave our next generation with spare time to explore their interests. Because it can boost children’s creativity and help cultivate their independence. And those