Reply To: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food ,clothes and entertainment)is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › IELTS Writing › Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food ,clothes and entertainment)is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about › Reply To: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food ,clothes and entertainment)is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about

EuStemJobs Grant Seeker
Administrator
University: University of Wisconsin
January 11, 2021 at 5:42 pm

Score: ungraded

People have different views about whether children should make decisions (on their parents’ ) [ unclear ]or on their own. (Personally speaking, I think)[repetitive  ] (the second view)[redundant  ] that making decisions on children’s own is (more desirable)[ rewrite it and be specific ].

(For the first view)[ readers have no duty to check what the first view is ], (some people think they should help their children)[rewrite it/ it should be children-centered, not parents-centered] when making daily decisions, [ punctuation error ] because parents think they[unclear  ] could (take advantage of the time)[unclear  ] to communicate with their children. When children (find they can decide)[wordy/use one word  ] their lifestyle as they would like, some children may think (there is no need to)[redundant  ] tell their parents about (specific details of their life)[ wordy ]. Therefore, (there are few possibilities for)[ redundant ] children to share daily information with their parents. Consequently, some children gradually become indifferent .[spacing error  ]

For another view[rewrite  ], some may argue that (children should learn to make their decisions in daily life)[ repetition ] to prepare for making crucial ones . [spacing error/unclear pronoun  ]Many experts[ shift of subject  ] say that children should be capable of choosing college and occupation. Nevertheless, children[repetitive use of Children  ] still need to make effort step by step. Children[ repetition ] who (have more autonomous rights )[ wordy ]normally (tend to be more mature)[ wordy/unclear ]. By learning how to tackle simple matters, children will grow their outlook[wrong word  ] and values earlier than their peers.

In my mind[ wrong phrase ], (I don’t think it is necessary for)[ wordy ] parents to make decisions for children on daily matters. After all, children could not rely on their parents (all the time)[ wordy ]. In case of children’s indifference, parents can accompany their kids  by[ spacing error ] spending more time having meals with their children. In this way, parents could have a closer relationship with their children. As children get used to make [ grammatical error ]significant decisions, they will outdo their peers in many aspects when getting into society.