Reply To: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food ,clothes and entertainment)is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food ,clothes and entertainment)is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about Reply To: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food ,clothes and entertainment)is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about

Administrator
University: University of Wisconsin
January 11, 2021 at 5:42 pm

Score: ungraded

People have different views about whether children should make decisions (on their parents’ ) [ unclear ]or on their own. (Personally speaking, I think)[repetitive  ] (the second view)[redundant  ] that making decisions on children’s own is (more desirable)[ rewrite it and be specific ].

(For the first view)[ readers have no duty to check what the first view is ], (some people think they should help their children)[rewrite it/ it should be children-centered, not parents-centered] when making daily decisions, [ punctuation error ] because parents think they[unclear  ] could (take advantage of the time)[unclear  ] to communicate with their children. When children (find they can decide)[wordy/use one word  ] their lifestyle as they would like, some children may think (there is no need to)[redundant  ] tell their parents about (specific details of their life)[ wordy ]. Therefore, (there are few possibilities for)[ redundant ] children to share daily information with their parents. Consequently, some children gradually become indifferent .[spacing error  ]

For another view[rewrite  ], some may argue that (children should learn to make their decisions in daily life)[ repetition ] to prepare for making crucial ones . [spacing error/unclear pronoun  ]Many experts[ shift of subject  ] say that children should be capable of choosing college and occupation. Nevertheless, children[repetitive use of Children  ] still need to make effort step by step. Children[ repetition ] who (have more autonomous rights )[ wordy ]normally (tend to be more mature)[ wordy/unclear ]. By learning how to tackle simple matters, children will grow their outlook[wrong word  ] and values earlier than their peers.

In my mind[ wrong phrase ], (I don’t think it is necessary for)[ wordy ] parents to make decisions for children on daily matters. After all, children could not rely on their parents (all the time)[ wordy ]. In case of children’s indifference, parents can accompany their kids  by[ spacing error ] spending more time having meals with their children. In this way, parents could have a closer relationship with their children. As children get used to make [ grammatical error ]significant decisions, they will outdo their peers in many aspects when getting into society.