Reply To: There is an increasing trend for people to live alone. What is causing this to happen? Will it have a negative or a positive impact on society?
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University: University of Wisconsin
Nowadays, an increasing number of people tend to live alone. Several factors[coherence issue: make the subject echo the subject or the object of the prior sentence ] contribute to this[ unclear pronoun ], [including technological development and pursuit of freedom][misplacement ]. However, in my view, it[unclear pronoun ] (has a negative influence)[ wordy ] on society.
(Firstly, this tendency is associated with the development of technology.)[The general idea was mentioned in the first paragraph; here use a more specific topic sentence. i.e., First, technological innovations have minimized the need for conventional social gathering. ]
To be more specific, in [ In ]the wake of the [ article error ]high-speed social progress, (plenty of)[wordy ] electronic products[/devices ] like[such as ] mobile phones, laptops, [ grammatical error ]pads are[grammatical error ] invented, which can all help [ helps ]humans contact others (timely and conveniently)[redundant ]. Therefore, interactions with friends, family [members ]or others have been[inconsistency in tense ]( no worry even in the long distance)[wordy and unclear ].
(The second reason for this living pattern)[ verbose ] is individuals’ desire for freedom. (Along with the advance of the time)[verbose/unclear ], (people are more aware of)[factual issue ] the right to[preposition error ] freedom and value it [ unclear pronoun ]better. [punctuation error with conjunction word ]And living alone is a significant step towards [acquiring ]freedom,[ punctuation error ] since no one is (around you, staring at you, disrupting you)[ parallelism issue ], and you[shift of person ] do not need to concern about (anyone or doing something for others)[unclear ]. As a result, this[ unclear pronoun ] also prompts [wrong word ]the modern living pattern.
In my point of view[ verbose ], this kind of life-style[spelling error ] will (exert a bad impact on)[ verbose ] society. For one thing, (people will have worse emotions due to this kind of living pattern)[unclear/repetition ]. Most of our fun in life comes from interactions with others[absolute statement ]. Once we (have no)[ avoid using NO/NOT ] company, our pleasure will decline (a lot)[informal ]. On top of that, the [article error ]progress of society [verbose ]may slow down. This[unclear pronoun ] is because [ verbose ]almost all our innovations, [ punctuation error ]our new ideas come from cooperation with many others. Therefore, living by oneself will reduce one’s creativity (which is a necessity)[verbose ] for social advance.
In conclusion, technological progress and the[ article error ] pursuit of freedom lead to( more individuals living alone)[ unclear ], and (this is harmful to)[verbose ] our society.