Reply To: For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.
TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › TOEFL Writing › For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. › Reply To: For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.
University: University of Wisconsin
I am afraid I have to disagree that excellent social[word form error ] skill [ word form error ] is more important than diligent study for[/in terms of ] a [article error ]career success. [ coherence problem ]People[word choice ] with good grades could have [ develop ]basic professional knowledge [, which would help them to ] and solve many problems at work.[ Although students working hard to earn good grades could develop… ] From my perspective, I believe that[redundancy ] attaining outstanding academic records is vital.
To begin with,
it is crucial to concentrate [ wordy ][concentrating ]on one’s studies at school [remains crucial in expanding one’s knowledge into different disciplines. ][ logical incompleteness ]. [coherence issue ]Every profession has its concepts and principles for students to learn. For instance, as a (clinical medicine) [word form error ]student,[ coherence ] I should master the [article error ]concepts and theories to become a qualified[/licensed ] doctor in the future. The [acquired ]specialized [ medical ]knowledge will assist me to diagnose and treat patients. Also, only lawyers with legal knowledge can help clients. According to my personal experience, learning theories could excel in working.
Additionally, academic study (can solve)[logically unclear ] (professional problems)[confusion ] at work[ redundant ]. To be specific, university students need to collect information from the Internet to accomplish[word choice/write an informative essay. ]
essays, [punctuation error ]so that they can analyze different things[informal ] and tackle problems[informal ] effectively.[ This research method undoubtedly allows students to explore theories, mechanisms, and even social implications of some sophisticated social challenges such as the COVID-19 pandemic. ] Besides, people[word choice ] can have[informal/develop ] more creative ideas and abilities to solve different matters[ unclear ]. For example, scientists do[word choice ] experiments and think of [ in order to discover ]the mechanism [behinds a seemingly complicated ] by which a phenomenon occurs. Musicians come up with new ideas to compose excellent music. Thus, academic study[ repetition ] (is useful for)[ wordy/replace with ONE verb ] dealing with issues[redundant ] in the future job[ repetition/wordy – potentially].
Admittedly, some individuals deem that social network[networking ] is an essential factor in[preposition error ] [logically incomplete – attaining one’s ]success. For instance, a social person like my grandma has lots of [/many ]friends (and can[not parallel ] get)[ that can ] help[ her ]
with ease[misplaced ] to achieve success [ with ease/to resolve many headaches]. What is more, (this kind of knowledge)[unclear ] may (not be available )[ wordy ] in textbooks.
To conclude, under most circumstances, it[unclear pronoun ] is (for the benefit of a career)[wordy ] that people[ word choice ] ought to study hard at school since it[ unclear pronoun ] equips them with necessary information and [ essential ]problem-solving skills. These two elements
are both critical in the attainment of career accomplishments.[will facilitate the attainment of our career objectives. ]