Reply To: For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities.
TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › TOEFL Writing › For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. › Reply To: For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities.
University: University of Wisconsin
Today, many parents want their children to find a good job after graduation, so they hope that local governments would spend more money on children [ word form error ]education. However, I think local governments should offer adequate financial support to universities
firstly[instead ]. [ punctuation error ]Because universities need to hire many knowledgeable professors and buy much[wrong adverb ] advanced equipment. [irrelevant to the prompt; check the main point in the prompt ]
First, universities [ need sufficient funds since they ] should hire many learned and experienced professors
, so they need plenty of funds.[repetitive information ] Many professors want to work in a university which gives them more salaries. [ repetitive ] These[Since ] professors hope to buy a house, but houses are [ houses in many cities remain ]very expensive[ even for professors ] in many cities today. Therefore, universities need to spend much money paying for professors’ [ provide high ]salaries . Otherwise, many intellectuals would refuse to work as a professor[to retain professors ]. For example, many professors couldn’t afford a house in Beijing in the past few years. So Beijing’s government decided to provide universities with more funds in order to help them to increase professors’ salaries. Now, many students expect to work as a professor in Beijing after studying abroad.[redundant ] Second, universities need to buy a lot of advanced equipment.[repetition ] These devices are very expensive because they consist of many sophisticated components. Students could [ need to ]undertake many experiments to master the techniques they have learned with this kind of[ in relation to/in association with ][ the ] equipment. For example, my[ My ] brother studies at Beijing University, [punctuation error ]he majors in Chemistry. He often undertakes many experiments to observe the[article error ] reaction[word form error ] of different elements in order to discover some implementations of these elements. Thanks to the financial support from[ article error ] (Beijing’s government)[word form error ], he has acquired (many)[replace with a concrete word ] achievements in Chemistry through chemical experiments.
Many parents think that administrations[ unclear word ] should spend (much) [ use a concrete word ]money supporting children [ word form error ]education because they hope their children’s potential would be developed at school[unnecessary passive sentence ]. Whereas, I deem that children should have a happy life. [choppy sentence/poor connection between sentences ]Excessive pressure would harm their (body and mental )[ word choice error ]health. Children should stimulate their imagination and curiosity by playing rather than studying.