Reply To: In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › TOEFL Writing › In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. › Reply To: In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

EuStemJobs Grant Seeker
Administrator
University: University of Wisconsin
February 17, 2021 at 8:15 pm

Score: ungraded

Issues:

  1. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
  2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
  3. Lengthy paragraphs; restrict each paragraph to 90 words. (GRE essay 110-word qualifies for non-software revision; 90- word applies to TOEFL/IELTS essay )

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.