Reply To: Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.
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University: University of Wisconsin
Currently, no matter which city or country you live in, you can find people visiting galleries for exhibited paintings[zero-conditional writing ]. It[ unclear pronoun/loss of logical connection with the last sentence. You may put ‘During their visit, they….’ ] is hard to deny that art provides people with great enjoyment. Such a fact may mislead (impressionable people)[ unclear ] to (generate the idea)[ /conceive/believe ] that governments need to invest more in the[ article error ] arts. Nevertheless, as far as revenue[ word form error ] and health are concerned, I strongly hold that society should support (athletics teams)[ wrong combination of words ].
To begin with, funding athletics
teams is more cost-effective than [missing a word here ]the[ article error ] arts[ zero-conditional ]. As[ Word with different definitions/Since ] so[redundant word ] many sports (have been)[use active and replace BE verb with concrete verb ] commercialized, supporting athletics[sporting ] teams can certainly[ zero-conditional ] (bring a great financial reward)[ logical incompleteness ]. Take soccer as an example. Spending money to[wrong word ] support[ repetition ] a soccer team could help it[ unclear pronoun ] cultivate (famous soccer stars)[redundant/stars are famous ], which makes the city famous and attracts even more visitors to travel and consume in the city[zero conditional ]. Moreover, (famous star)[ redundant ] soccer players can attract[ repetition ] more investors to fund the soccer team and local facilities, which profits[ wrong word ] people living in the city.
Furthermore, investing in athletics teams can promote (the physical health of society)[ unclear ]. Those retired professional sports players could (advocate the)[ grammatical error ] public to take part in those sports[ new idea without introduction ] and teach them relevant skills.
My personal example is a compelling illustration of this. My cousin Bill used to be a professional basketball player. [ choppy sentences ]He retired at the age of 35 and [ thereafter/then/subsequently ]set up a basketball [ – ]training company. After his setting up, more and [Subsequently, ]more teenagers in the (neighbouring community)[ redundant ] join[ grammatical error ] the training camp held by the company. As a result, most of the young living in that community enjoy playing basketball and very few of them get sick even when their classmates (get infected)[incomplete ]. Had it not been for my cousin setting up the basketball[ – ] training company, those teenagers would not be so healthy.[zero-conditional ]
In a nutshell, I think governments should divert their investment to athletics teams rather than the arts.
Admittedly, as [ As ]my favourite quote from James Madison goes,( if the reason for man continues to fallible, different opinions will be formed)[Hard to read in the context ]. Still a nd all, (I believe that those who opt differently will change their minds after being exposed to my article.)[coersive writing ]