Reply To: Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Reply To: Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

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University: University of Wisconsin
February 24, 2021 at 3:01 am

Currently, no matter which city or country you live in, you can find people visiting galleries for exhibited paintings[zero-conditional writing   ]. It[  unclear pronoun/loss of logical connection with the last sentence. You may put ‘During their visit, they….’ ] is hard to deny that art provides people with great enjoyment. Such a fact may mislead (impressionable people)[ unclear  ] to (generate the idea)[  /conceive/believe ] that governments need to invest more in the[  article error ] arts. Nevertheless, as far as revenue[ word form error  ] and health are concerned, I strongly hold that society should support (athletics teams)[ wrong combination of words  ].

To begin with, funding athletics teams is more cost-effective than [missing a word here   ]the[  article error ] arts[ zero-conditional  ]. As[ Word with different definitions/Since  ] so[redundant word   ] many sports (have been)[use active and replace BE verb with concrete verb   ] commercialized, supporting athletics[sporting   ] teams can certainly[ zero-conditional  ] (bring a great financial reward)[ logical incompleteness  ]. Take soccer as an example. Spending money to[wrong word   ] support[ repetition  ] a soccer team could help it[ unclear pronoun  ] cultivate (famous soccer stars)[redundant/stars are famous   ], which makes the city famous and attracts even more visitors to travel and consume in the city[zero conditional   ]. Moreover, (famous star)[ redundant  ] soccer players can attract[ repetition  ] more investors to fund the soccer team and local facilities, which profits[ wrong word  ] people living in the city.

Furthermore, investing in athletics teams can promote (the physical health of society)[  unclear ]. Those retired professional sports players could (advocate the)[ grammatical error  ] public to take part in those sports[ new idea without introduction  ] and teach them relevant skills. My personal example is a compelling illustration of this. My cousin Bill used to be a professional basketball player. [ choppy sentences  ]He retired at the age of 35 and [ thereafter/then/subsequently  ]set up a basketball [ –  ]training company. After his setting up, more and [Subsequently,   ]more teenagers in the (neighbouring community)[ redundant  ] join[ grammatical error  ] the training camp held by the company. As a result, most of the young living in that community enjoy playing basketball and very few of them get sick even when their classmates (get infected)[incomplete   ]. Had it not been for my cousin setting up the basketball[ –  ] training company, those teenagers would not be so healthy.[zero-conditional   ]

In a nutshell, I think governments should divert their investment to athletics teams rather than the arts. Admittedly, as [ As  ]my favourite quote from James Madison goes,( if the reason for man continues to fallible, different opinions will be formed)[Hard to read in the context   ]. Still and all, (I believe that those who opt differently will change their minds after being exposed to my article.)[coersive writing   ]