Reply To: The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe. Reply To: The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

Alex_Huku
University: UESTC
Nationality: Chinese
March 19, 2021 at 4:58 am

In an application for a loan to support the establishment of a jazz music club, the author lists three reasons why the club would become a profitable business. First, the jazz music market in Monroe is nearly all to the proposed club since the nearest existent club is 65 miles away. Also, jazz is very popular in Monroe and the typical jazz fan spends about $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. However, there are three questions remain unanswered prior to justifying the proposal.

First of all, is 65 miles within the appropriate extent for this existend jazz club’s service or not? 65 miles is a huge distance only if one is facing poor transportation conditions. The transportation in Monroe may be broad enough to cover that distance. There may exist a freeway or even a railway connecting downtown and the existend jazz club. If the transportation is convenient, it is possible that a considerable part of residents in Monroe will still go to that jazz club instead of the proposed club. The author fails to prove that 65 miles is an unbearable distance. Therefore, he can’t assert that the market in Monroe is nearly all to the proposed club.

Second, will a jazz club popular in Monroe simply because jazz is popular? The author lists plenty of evidences to show how popular jazz is in Monroe, yet that someone enjoys jazz music doesn’t mean he or she has to do it in a club. As the author mentioned, there are annual jazz festivals in Monroe, and a jazz radio program airing every weeknight. Thus, the residents may be already satisfied by these entertainments and have no interest in a jazz club. The author hasn’t made it clear that the popularity of a jazz club in Monroe will be on a par with the popularity of jazz so this evidence is weakened.

Furthermore, how much does the expense by the typical jazz fan relate to the profits of the proposed jazz club? Of course, $1,000 per year is not a small number but how much of it will be contributed to a jazz club’s income? A jazz fan may spend hundreds of dollars on a ticket or purchase plenty of CDs every year but is unwilling to consume in a jazz club. Also, even if the largest part of this $1,000 will be spent on the jazz club, is it comparable to the club’s annual costs? If a club will averagely spend $950 on each member, there is not much profit left. As a whole, only stating the dollars that a typical jazz fan spends per year can’t make it to the profits of the proposed jazz club. The author must attach more information such as the constituents of the expense and a typical jazz club’s operating costs.

In conclusion, the argument that a jazz music club in Monroe would be hugely profitable doesn’t hold water. Unless the author makes reasonable answers to the questions above, he or she will unlikely get the loan.