Reply To: The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › TOEFL Writing › The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. › Reply To: The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
(Currently, celebrities are more willing to share their opinions with ordinary people)[ factual error] (as means of)[more than one interpretation ] information transfer become[ grammatical error ] convenient. Some of these ideas may be crooked[informal word ]. Meanwhile, their[ unclear pronoun ] negative impact on young people is increasingly worrying[ /concerning ]. In my opinion, younger people are easier to be influenced by celebrities than older people.
Older generations receive information mainly from TV,[ punctuation error ] while younger generations[word form error ] receive information chiefly on[ incorrect preposition ] the Internet. On TV programs, celebrities express their ideas less. Instead, (they perform according to the script made before)[ unclear]. Thus, they rarely impress the audience because of their own opinion[word form error ]. However, they are free to share their own[ redundant ] striking ideas on the Internet. [ choppy sentence ]These seemingly rebelling messages attract young people (a lot) [informal ]and impose a strong influence on them.
Aside from (different preferences of media)[ unclear ], older generations tend to have[unclear verb ] a solid view of life. They experienced far more than young people [did ] and[ Many AND in this essay were inappropriately used since they fail to create optimal logical connections. ] have[vague verb ] a more comprehensive perspective on celebrities. For instance, my father, one of the ordinary old guys
in the world, criticizes TV shows or celebrity interviews every day (from his point of view)[ unclear ]. When he hears a novel viewpoint, he always judges it by relating to his own experience, which young people lack.
Most importantly, in many countries’ traditional cultures, only seniors (have the ability to)[ wordy ] impart their knowledge to juniors. “Do not try to persuade the old because he knows more than you” is a consensus in China or even in the world. That is to say, celebrities hardly try to impose an[ article error ] influence on older generations. To make an [article error ]opinion more convincing and persuasive, a lot of examples or stories[ sudden change of subject ] need to be included[unnecessary passive ] in one’s narrative. Famous people tend to make the story closes to teenagers’ life, thus attracting more teens.
Needless to say, younger or older generations will[inconsistency in tense ] be influenced by celebrities[ unnecessary passive ]. But in my opinion, younger people are undoubtedly easier to be affected because of their ways to obtain information and lack of experience.