Reply To: In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › TOEFL Writing › In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. › Reply To: In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Some people think that young people depend[ grammatical error ] too much on their parents when they make[grammatical error ] decisions in the past. [loss of logical connection with the prior sentence ] However, young people today are more likely to make vital decisions by themselves. I agree with the statement[ unclear ] .
The reasons are as followed.[summarize the reasons ]
First, nowadays young people can gain access to the Internet which makes them get information and knowledge more conveniently[restructure this sentence to make it better correlate with the thesis ] .
In this case, they can search for information to help them make decisions independently[ redundant ] . (The volume of knowledge on the Internet is too abundant to surpass their parents’ knowledge)[ confusion ] . Therefore, young people are able to gain more [ can glean ] helpful information from the Internet (other than)[ wrong phrase in this context ] their parents. For example, when students have to apply for [ article error ] grad school (after graduation)[ redundant …when ] [punctuation error ] they always check the[article error ] university’s official website to look up important information such as the admission rate and courses of[the course offerings concerning ] a program. According to the info on the university website, students can have[use a stronger verb ] a deep understanding of[ /about ] a program[ punctuation error ] and therefore they can (make decisions to find a program for themselves)[ confusion ] . In this process, parents can give limited advice to them.
Second, in the past parents can[ grammatical error ] help young people to make decisions because they have[ grammatical error ] more experience[word form error ] in many aspects than young people. However, young people today can have more experience[ word form error] in some aspects than their parents. With[ unclear preposition ] the rapid development of technology, there[dangling subject ] are many kinds of electronic products appear[grammatical error ] like mobile phone and computer. Most young people are familiar with electronic products[repetition ] than parents. For instance, young people know how to select a mobile phone by comparing the[ article error ] price[ word form error ] , CPU and (other properties)[confusion; this implies that Prices is also one of such properties ] of mobile phones. In the contrast[wrong phrase ] , their parents (may don’t)[grammatical error ] know much[wrong word ] than [too many ‘ more than’ ] their children about the properties of those electronic products. In this case, they[ too many unclear pronouns ] may depend on young people to make decisions.
In a word, I think young people today can make decisions more independently[word/phrase repetition ] .