Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults 20191230 revision

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults 20191230 revision

December 30, 2019 at 2:30 pm

Score: 78.7

Issues:

  1. About 30% of the sentences are passive.

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the crimes committed by young people. However, whether young criminals should be sentenced as adults is a controversial issue. My view is that the crimes committed[ repetition ] by young people[repetition  ] should be considered separately from adults.

First, there is no doubt that young people[  repetition/absolute writing] are not mature enough to take charge of[ wrong phrase ] their crimes. This[ vague pronoun/use concrete noun ] is because many young people who committed crimes were not well-educated before[passive  ], and[incorrect coordinating word  ] they might not know what the crimes meant. [ punctuation error with coordinating word ]So considering the crimes of young people as adults is not [Not/avoid using NOT  ]reasonable.

On the contrary, judging teenagers as adults [ logical incompleteness/in terms of criminal behavior ]may lead to a worse result. If a teenager was [ grammatical error with subjunctive voice ]charged with robbery, by the law for adults he may[ grammatical error with subjunctive voice ] stay in prison for three years. [lack of transitory word  ]He may fail to learn skills and knowledge at[ incorrect preposition ] the period, which may push him to make mistakes again. [ lack of transitory word ]We need to give a chance to young criminals and help them rebuild their lives.

That is not to say that young people will get away with their crimes. Everyone who breaks the law should pay for it no matter who he or she is[ regardless of their age/regardless of his or her age ]. As we know, teenagers are more likely to change themselves because (they are still young)[ repetition from teenagers ]. Taking[ wrong word ] a specific law for young people can prevent teenage crimes more efficiently and effectively.

In summary, young people should not be judged as adults when committing crimes[  repetition]. Meanwhile, we should not neglect the teenage crimes. Only by doing so can we hold a better balance between reducing crimes and educating young people.