Reply To: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Reply To: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

January 21, 2020 at 9:27 pm

Score: 54.5

Issues:

  1. Nearly 40% of the sentences contain 20+ words. Shorten/split them.

While allowing children to make their own choices on daily matters becomes increasingly popular among parents and teachers, this kind of behavior [ redundant/incorrect word ]continues to be [ redundant/remains ] controversial due to the conflict between independency and selfishness. There are valid opinions on both sides, which I will discuss now.

On the one hand, making decisions on their own can cultivate children’s independence [ logical incompleteness ]and the ability to solve problems (related to them)[  redundant]. Thus, they are[ grammatical error/in the future ] capable of coping with different [redundant/matters is a plural word, which implies ‘different’  ]trivial matters in their working and daily life in the future, and they can readily adapt themselves to the fierce competition in[  article error] contemporary society more easily[ wordy-readily ]. Furthermore, letting them[too many pronouns  ] tackling[ grammatical error ] problems can help them build self-consciousness and think independently. They [  unclear pronoun]can also feel a sense of satisfaction after resolving a problem. It[ unclear pronoun ] can also help them [ unclear pronoun ]to build confidence.

On the other hand, children, especially teenagers, are in a stage when they cannot distinguish between right and wrong. [missing transitory word  ]It is critical for parents, teachers and society to lead them to establish correct values of life, [ punctuation error ]otherwise they are likely to lack virtue and only think about themselves. Children naturally tend to gain benefits for themselves and not to care about others’ feelings. If the young generation do [grammatical error  ]not know how to collaborate and are not compassionate, society will be in danger.

Overall, I hold the perspective that children are supposed to make decisions themselves about the problems related to them so that they can be [ BE verb/become ]more independent and confident. The society thus can be[dull BE verb  ] more vibrant.