Reply To: Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society. Reply To: Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society.

January 23, 2020 at 7:06 pm

Score: 75.6

Issues:

  1. Lots of choppy sentences.

Nowadays, there has been a decrease in the time people spending [ grammatical error ] in their homes [absolute writing  ] . I believe the high cost of living and people’s (awareness of being healthy) [wordy  ] are the main reasons [logical incompleteness  ] . [ lack of transitory word ] (People consuming more time at home) [ unclear ] positively impact individuals and society.

(The first reason of people staying home less often is that) [ wordy ] the living cost is higher than [ missing a pronoun ] before. People Since people have to pay more for housing, eating, education and so on. In order to afford the cost of living, they need to go out and work hard instead of staying at home. As a result, they spend less time in their houses.

Another cause [ logically incomplete ] is that people are more concerned about their health today. [ lack of logical connection with the prior sentence ] They find it enjoyable and entertaining to take exercise outdoors to strengthen their bodies. For example, during their spare time, they [too many pronouns  ] prefer to do jogging, take a brisk walk or play badminton in the park rather than watch TV at home.

This trend is good for benefits for both individuals and society. For individuals, if they hung out [incorrect phrase  ] at home, they would become fat and even get obesity [wordy  ] they would be likely to gain weight. [ lack connection word ] Engaging in sports actively benefits [ word repetition ] them (a lot) [ informal writing ] . Besides, people can make more money by working hard, so their standards of living will improve, which is conducive [ wrong word ] to the whole society.

In conclusion,  the increase in living expenses and people’s consciousness of health has led to (this trend) [ repetition ] . In my opinion, this is a great trend [ repetition ] for both individuals and the society.

Summary: You need to read more English newspapers/literature to vary your vocabulary.