ChinaSEOchecker Expert Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. ChinaSEOchecker Expert Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

February 24, 2020 at 5:08 pm

Final Revision

Score: 62.7

Issues:

  1. More than 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

Celebrities and sports stars [unparalleled concepts  ]are known to live lowprivacy lives. Surrounded by paparazzi and long-lens cameras, they live [repetition  ]in [ article error ]spotlights that follow everywhere[ unclear ]. As such[ use another transitory word/phrase ], I believe celebrities’ lives are over-exposed and need[ unparalleled voice ] more space[ logical confusion ].

To begin with, celebrities can not[ spelling ] hide what they do[ logical incompleteness ]. Their appearances, relationships, and behaviors remain[  absolute statment] in the public eye constantly[ misplaced adverb]. Anything they do becomes the news, which will [absolute statement  ] appear on [article error  ] headlines whether they like it or not. Sometimes, the spotlight becomes unsafe[unclear  ] . News of stalkers breaking in celebrities’ houses frequently shows[ logical incompleteness ] , [punctuation error  ] since public attention makes famous people easier to track. Such infringement of personal space endangers anyone[ unrelated ] .

Additionally, gossips may be[dull BE verb  ] lies. Celebrities’ news is a way for tabloids and gossip websites to make money. They[ unclear pronoun ] publish made-up facts[self-conlicting  ] with exaggerating titles, click-baiting netizens for views. Yet, it is hard to fix public images even if a person is innocent.[ unrelated ] Lawsuits can not[ spelling error ] kill all the[article error  ] rumors, no matter how expensive[ unclear ] they are. Thus, news agencies should follow their career code[wrong phrase  ] and stop making money from smearing[unclear  ] .

Lastly, celebrities’ information is more likely to be leaked[passive  ] , (such as identifications and email accounts) [ misplacement ] . Today, everyone needs extra guards on their digital identity. If you[shift of person  ] lose your passwords, all your property[unclear/digital properties  ] will be in danger[ absolute statement ] . Conners can scam people’s money from little information. In this case, the private information of famous entertainers should be of particular protection.

In summary, celebrities need further [wrong word  ] protection of privacy, yet have been deprived of it often[  grammatical error] . This[ unclear pronoun ] is unjust and cruel. They sure deserve more than this, and it is the responsibility of the public to give it back.