Reply To: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs(for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs(for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? Reply To: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs(for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

March 16, 2020 at 2:08 am

Score: 57.8

Final revision

Now, increasingly more [redundant  ] people suggest to make non-commercial services a mandatory program [ unclear/lack introduction ] . Personally, I agree with the suggestion.

I can’t deny that the program faces some challenges in design and implementation. The program should be both meaningful and attractive for students. [  choppy sentence] So, they may be willing to participate. Achieving both objectives could be a headache for schools. [ punctuation error with coordinating word ] And the security issue of the program is on the top of the list. For example, students may assist in directing traffic. [ choppy sentence ] If a car skids around them, they may get injured.

However, the benefits [ unclear/specify ] outweigh the challenges. First of all, the program can enrich students’ school life. Most students’ high school life is full of study [ rephrase ] . If non-commercial services become [grammatical error with subjunctive voice  ] a subject, students could [grammatical error with subjunctive voice  ] participate [preposition error  ] more in social activities such as helping neighbors to find lost dogs. Students may make more friends as well.

Meanwhile, social activities provide students with practical experience. For example, as a volunteer, students could practice their spoken English when communicating with foreigners [ discriminative word ] . What’s more, students may develop more comprehensive abilities such as cooperation and organization. [ choppy/grammatical error ] Because some non-commercial services require students to work in [ article error ] group. [ punctuation error with coordinating word ] And a well-organized group will help achieve better results.

In conclusion, non-commercial service should be mandatary in high school. [ choppy/grammatical error ] Because our objective of education is to equip students with multiple skills rather than to make a machine for study. As for challenges, we could work together to handle them.