Reply To: At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. Reply To: At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

March 17, 2020 at 10:31 pm

Score: 62.3

It has come to people’s attention that many college students cannot master (skills in their major)[ unclear ] when students [ repetition ] graduate. [ poor logical connection with the prior sentence ] Therefore, I don’t believe that sports and social activities should receive as much support as should[ misplaced verb ] things related to academic study.

First, I believe that academic study is the priority for college students. When I just entered college, I played badminton every day even though the conditions of my university’s badminton course were not satisfying. I was so tired that I failed to finish my school work and[unclear/unparalleled/ was- got/failed-got  ] got a terrible mark at the end of the first semester.

Second, college time is the only period during a person’s life [absolute statement  ] in which he can gain plenty of interdisciplinary knowledge without worrying about financial problems. Universities would support you [ shift of person ] to concentrate on studying. For instance, having settled a job, a person has to face stress from his work and communication[  unclear/face communication or from communication?] with his colleagues. He would be too busy to focus on studying since he gets lots of work to do. [choppy sentence  ] He has to earn money. [ choppy sentence ] Thus, he has no time to gain knowledge like a college student.

Furthermore, students may do sports and participate in social activities out of universities and colleges. For example, many of my classmates keep fit at a gym near our college and[ logically confusing ] invest in the gym membership. As a commercial site/facility, the gym can offer better conditions than the college. For social activities, there are so [so… that  ] many cafes and pubs around my college [punctuation error  ] and they are comfortable and commodious. We always hold parties there.

Accordingly, it is unnecessary for colleges to spend much money supporting sport and social activities. They[ unclear pronoun/colleges? activities?  ] should develop classes and libraries to enhance their students’ academic ability.