Reply To: Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea? Reply To: Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?

March 24, 2020 at 3:13 am

Score: ungraded

Issues:

  1. Your essay is lengthy. Restrict to 320 words;
  2. Restrict each paragraph to 80 words;
  3. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
  4. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.