A government spends money on a training course that trains adults after the age of 25 in the most up-to-date skills in the workplace. Do you think it is effective? Why or why not?

TOEFL, IELTS, Application Essay Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Topics A government spends money on a training course that trains adults after the age of 25 in the most up-to-date skills in the workplace. Do you think it is effective? Why or why not?

  • yezi
    University: AUFE
    Nationality: AUFE
    July 11, 2019 at 9:33 am

    A group of adult students are taking class.

    Essay topic: A government spends money on a training course that trains adults after the age of 25 in the most up-to-date skills in the workplace. Do you think it is effective? Why or why not?

    Facing with tremendous competence pressure in workplace,more people look forward to various way to improve their core competence power such as taking extra course about their career.Some people believe that it not only wastes spare time ,but also increases metal stress,while others claim supporting by government training course is an effective way for adults.From my perspective,I strongly agree with government’s action that adults over the age of 25 should take course to improve themselves and learn something new.Moreover,it is an effective way to spend money.My reasons and examples are given below.

    On the one hand,taking course could increase the rate of employment.Currently human resource mangers pay more attention to interviews’ practical ability.For example,last year I organized a job fair for my client company and there were over thousand interviews competing market manger-this vacancy.Among them,someone has studying abroad background,someone has years of working experience and someone has advanced skill about administration.It was very hard for me to choose the most suitable person,while in the end I’d choose an interviewer with advanced skill rather than other talents and the reason was that he could bring new idea and use more useful method to expand market share.After a year,this company gain more market segment and considerable profits.This story tells me that skill plays more and more vital role in career.

    On the other hand,skill course provided by government is the most economical and fairest chance.In china,it is a common phenomenon that private training school always ask sky-high price for people.It maybe is petty for the wealth,while for the majority ordinary,is exorbitant.So more young adults will give up and lose opportunities. However,If government reaches hand to build training school,it will not only reduce the cost but easily invites experts and specialist.This will encourage people to improve themselves and gain success in career.More important,it has lasting effect both on the whole country and individuals .In the end,the economy will radically bloom.

    Admittedly,it is true that sponsoring training course by government will raise financial burden and cut down expenditure on other fields such as social welfare and medical treatment.However,on balance,this issue above seems to be minor problem in comparsion with the rate of employment and the level of GDP.

     
    Lin Qiu
    July 13, 2019 at 9:40 pm

    Score: 0

    Suggestions for Improvement

    You need to correct all errors of conventions, spelling and punctuations.

     
    yezi
    University: AUFE
    Nationality: AUFE
    July 14, 2019 at 3:03 pm

    Facing tremendous competence pressure at the workplace,  more people look forward to improving their core competence power by taking added course about their career.  Someone believes that it not only wastes entertaining time but also soars mental stress, while others claim supporting by government training course is an effective way for adults. From my perspective,  I strongly subscribe to the action taken by the government that adults over the age of 25 should  take the training course to improve themselves and learn something new.  It is an effective way to spend money. There are some reasons and examples given below.

    On the one hand, taking the course could increase the rate of employment.  Nowadays human resource mangers pay more attention to interviews’ practical ability.  For example,  last year I organized a job fair for my client company and there was over thousands of interviews competing market manger-this position.  Among interviewers, some have studying abroad background,  some have years of working experience and some have advanced skill about administration.  It was very hard for me to choose the most suitable person. However ,in the end , I’d choose an interviewer with advanced skill rather than other talents and the reason was that he could bring creative ideas and use more useful methods to expand market share. After a year, the client company gains over 68% market share and considerable profits. According to this example, it tells me that skill plays more and more vital role in career promotion.

    On the other hand,  the training course provided by government is the most economical and fairest chance. In China, it is a common phenomenon that private training schools always ask sky-high price for people. This price maybe is petty for the wealth, while for the majority mundane people is exorbitant. So more young adults could not afford it will give up and lose opportunities. However, if the government reaches hands to erect the training school, it will not only reduce the cost but easily invites experts and specialist. Therefore the training school will encourage people to improve themselves and gain success in career. The more important point is that it has long lasting effect both on the whole country and individuals. In the end, the economy of the country will radically bloom.

    Admittedly, it is true that sponsoring the training course by the government will raise financial burden and cut down expenditure on other fields such as social welfare and medical treatment. Nevertheless, on balance, this issue above seems to be the minor problem in comparison with the rate of employment and the level of GDP.

    From what have been discussed above,I could draw a conclusion that it is an effective way for government to provide …with …

     
    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by Avatar yezi.
    Lin Qiu
    July 15, 2019 at 9:19 pm

    Score: 63

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
    • Many sentences are redundant and hard to understand.

    Problems Highlight

    Facing tremendous competence pressure at the workplace, more people look forward to improving their core competence power by taking [article error]added course about their career. [Verbose] Someone believes that it not only wastes entertaining time but also soars mental stress, while others claim supporting by government training course is an effective way for adults. [Verbose]From my perspective, I strongly subscribe to the action taken by the government that adults over the age of 25 should take the training course to improve themselves and learn something new.[Verbose] It is an effective way to spend money. There are some reasons and examples given below.

    On the one hand, taking the course could increase the rate of employment. Nowadays human resource mangers [Spelling error]pay more attention to interviews’ practical ability. For example, last year I organized a job fair for my client company and there was over thousands of interviews competing market manger-this position. [Verbose] Among interviewers, some have studying [Chinese English]abroad background, some have years of working experience[Punctuation] and some have advanced skill about [article error] administration. [Verbose] It was very hard for me to choose the most suitable person. However ,[spacing]in the end , [spacing]I’d choose an interviewer with advanced skill rather than other talents [punctuation error]and the reason was that he could bring creative ideas and use more useful methods to expand market share. [Verbose]After a year, the client company gains over 68% market share and considerable profits. According to this example, it tells me that skill plays [article error]more and more vital role in career promotion.

    On the other hand, the training course provided by government is the most economical and fairest chance. In China, it is a common phenomenon that private training schools always ask sky-high price for people. This price maybe is petty for the wealth, while for the majority mundane people is exorbitant. So more young adults could not afford it will give up and lose opportunities. However, if the government reaches hands to erect the training school, it will not only reduce the cost but easily invites experts and specialist. [Verbose]Therefore[punctuation error] the training school will encourage people to improve themselves and gain success in career. The more important point is that it has long lasting [Concentions error]effect both on the whole country and individuals. In the end, the economy of the country will radically bloom.

    Admittedly, it is true that sponsoring the training course by the government[grammatical error] will raise financial burden and cut down expenditure on other fields such as social welfare and medical treatment. [Verbose]Nevertheless, on balance, this issue above seems to be the minor problem in comparison with the rate of employment and the level of GDP.

    From what have been discussed [passive/grammatical error]above,I could draw a conclusion that it is an effective way for government to provide …with …

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

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