A government spends money on a training course that trains adults after the age of 25 in the most up-to-date skills in the workplace. Do you think it is effective? Why or why not?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing A government spends money on a training course that trains adults after the age of 25 in the most up-to-date skills in the workplace. Do you think it is effective? Why or why not?

  • oxford
    University: shandong university
    Nationality: china
    April 28, 2020 at 3:39 am

    A government spends money on a training course that trains adults after the age of 25 in the most up-to-date skills in the workplace. Do you think it is effective? Why or why not?

    The issue of whether a government should spend money on all adults after 25-year-old on a training course for the most up-to-date skills at workplace is an emotional one, and with many people to taking the attitude that it is imperative for the government to invest in all adults after 25-years-old. However, it from my own perspective, not all adults need work courses.

    Admittedly, work guide is of vital importance. In reality, some people thinks unemployment is closely associated with economic and education, thus demanding attention from government. To illustrate, among these issues, the most noticeable one is the most up-to-date course of workplace. Undeniably, it is the government’s responsibility to implement effective policies and take immediate measures to combat this hazards. Moreover, the government shouldn’t ignore the equality so that everyone after 25-years-old has the right to obtain the same course.

    However, I don’t think it is necessary for the government to spend money to all adults after 25-years-old. Such a policy will increase the financial pressure of the government. Just like a normal man who have limited money need to balance his budget, the government also need to keep the budget balance.

    In addition, if the government pay for all adults, the value of course will reduce. In past, taking the most up-to-date courses at workplace means you can perform better than others. You are more likely to be promoted to a higher position or work on an important project. Suppose everyone can obtain these courses, everyone has same skills. The competences between colleagues will update the work ability quickly so that the most up-to-date courses will lose its status and be outdated. After all, this policy spend money on all adults after 25-years-old could not be effective.

    To conclude, I believe that the government’s policy is useless. I disagree it because of the government’s financial budget can’t afford and the courses will be outdated soon though this policy is working. I believe help people learn the new ability is meaningful but spend money on all people is unwise.

    April 30, 2020 at 11:47 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts;
    2. Use your own language to write. “The issue of whether a government should spend money on all adults after 25-year-old on a training course for the most up-to-date skills at workplace is an emotional one,” this is not your words;
    3. Numerous grammatical errors;
    4. Lots of sentences are unclear. You need to rewrite them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    oxford
    University: shandong university
    Nationality: china
    May 7, 2020 at 7:50 am

    Mr.Lin Qiu. This is the revised article

    The issue of whether the national administration should allocate funding for a career orientation program to 26 years old and above is a debatable topic. However, although many people take the attitude that it is imperative for the authorities to invest in, from my own perspective, not all adults need such work courses.

    Admittedly, a work guide is of vital importance to ensure all graduates are not jobless. In fact, some people think unemployment is closely associated with the lack of education, thus demanding attention from the government. Moreover, it is the government’s responsibility to implement effective policies and take immediate measures to combat unemployment; it is their duty to their people. Therefore, they shouldn’t ignore the value of providing the most up-to-date courses relating to the workplace.

    Nevertheless, I don’t think it is necessary for the government to spend money on providing such courses to all adults beyond 25 years old. Such a policy will increase the financial pressure of the government. For example, just like an average man who has limited money and needs to balance his budget, the government must also keep its budget balanced.

    In addition, if the government pays for all adults, the value of the course will be reduced. For instance, in the past, taking employment-related courses means you can perform better than the others and you are more likely to be promoted to a higher position or work on an important project. To illustrate, suppose everyone can obtain these courses; as a result, everyone will have the same skills. Unfortunately, there will be no diversity of skills in the office if it happens, and the updated courses will lose its status and be quickly outdated. For that reason, this policy could not be effective.

    To conclude, I believe that the federal leaders’ policy on spending national budget on job training is useless. This is because their finances can’t afford it, and the courses will be outdated soon though this policy is working. So from where I stand, I think helping some people learn new working abilities is meaningful, but spending for all is unwise.

    May 7, 2020 at 2:07 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Many lengthy, boring and empty sentences. You need to rewrite them. i.e. The issue of whether the national administration should allocate funding for a career orientation program to 26 years old and above is a debatable topic.
    4. There is no introduction to the topic in the first paragraph.
    5. Many sentences don’t make sense. i.e. Admittedly, a work guide is of vital importance to ensure all graduates are not jobless.
    6. Sentences are poorly connected. Rewrite to make them more coherent. i.e. In fact, some people think unemployment is closely associated with the lack of education, thus demanding attention from the government. Moreover, it is the government’s responsibility to implement effective policies and take immediate measures to combat unemployment; it is their duty to their people.– readers don’t find a logical connection between the 2 sentences.
    7. Pronouns (it, their., etc) are poorly used. Replace them with concrete nouns. In the following sentence, readers don’t know what THEY refer to since POLICIES and PEOPLE were both mentioned in the prior sentence.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

     

Tagged: