A longer prison term as a way of punishing those who break the law is not as good as other methods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › IELTS Writing › A longer prison term as a way of punishing those who break the law is not as good as other methods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
-
March 21, 2020 at 7:55 am
A longer prison term as a way of punishing those who break the law is not as good as other methods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many countries usually punish the citizens who break the law for a longer term. In my opinion, although the prison term is a deterrent effect for prisoner, there are other methods to reform them.
I accept that the government put criminals in prison for a long period of time as a punishment. Authorities should take measures to limit the freedom of these people who committed serious errors. That is because these individuals have the ability to continue to commit a crime if they still live with citizens. As a result, I agree it is an excellent approach to protect other people’s safety and make society more stable.
However, I would argue that there are better ways to curb crime. Firstly, I think that penalty is a good method as a punishment. It is because money plays an important role in our modern life. And every ordinary people desire to possess it; thus, people will be careful, and they are not to go against any regulation. In addition, these penalties could be used to build some fundamental facilities for cities. It is also beneficial to the life of citizens.
Moreover, compulsory education is a wonderful solution too. The government can open multiple lessons about moral education for some convicts who commit slight crime. This method not only gives prisoner some caution but also increases the government’s reputation. It leaves a good impression on the public.
In conclusion, I consider that prolonging the time spent in jail is not the only method to solve the problem of preventing crime. I suggest the authorities should set a lot of regulations to face different criminals.
Score: 61.1
Issues:
- More than 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
March 24, 2020 at 8:48 amNowadays, many countries usually punish citizens who break the law for a longer-term imprisonment. In my opinion, the prison term is a deterrent effect for prisoners, but there are other methods to reform them.
I accept that the government put criminals in prison for a prolonging period as a punishment. It is a correct choice that authorities take measures to limit the freedom of these people who committed acute errors. That is because these individuals have the capability to continue to endanger ordinary citizens. As a result, I agree it is an excellent approach to protect other people’s safety and make society more stable.
However, I would argue that there are better ways to curb crime. For example, I considerably maintain that the penalty is a brilliant method as a punishment. It is because money plays a significant role in our modern life. Every average people desire to earn it; thus, most people will be not to violate any regulation. What is more, the government could build some rudimentary facilities by these fines. It is also beneficial to the life of citizens.
Moreover, compulsory education is an excellent solution too. The relevant departments can offer a variety of lessons of moral education for adults who commit a minor crime. This method not only gives prisoners some warnings but also boosts the government’s reputation. It leaves a good impression on the public.
In conclusion, I consider what put the prisoner in jail is not the only method to solve the problem of preventing crime. I moderately suggest the authorities should set different regulations to cope with different criminals.
Score: 53.7
Nowadays, many countries usually punish citizens who break the law for a longer-term imprisonment. In my opinion, the prison term is a deterrent effect for prisoners [wrong word ], but there are other methods to reform [ wrong word] them.
I accept that the [article error ] government put criminals in prison for a prolonging period as a punishment [ clumsy]. It is a correct choice that authorities take measures to limit the freedom of these people who committed acute [incorrect word ] errors. That is because these individuals have the capability to [wrong preposition ] continue to endanger ordinary citizens. As a result, I agree it is an excellent approach to protect other people’s safety and make society more stable.
However, I would argue that there are better ways to curb crime. For example, I considerably [unnecessary adverb ] maintain that the penalty is a brilliant method as a punishment [confusing ]. [disconnected from the prior sentence ]It is because money plays a significant role in our modern life. Every average people [wrong word ] desire to earn it; thus, most people will be not to violate any regulation. What is more, the government could build some rudimentary facilities by/using these fines. It is also beneficial to the life [word form error ] of citizens.
Moreover, compulsory education is an excellent solution too. The relevant departments can offer a variety of lessons of moral education for adults who commit a minor crime. This method not only gives prisoners some warnings but also boosts the government’s reputation. [ choppy sentence] It leaves a good impression on the public.
In conclusion, I consider what put the prisoner in jail is not the only method to solve the (problem of preventing crime) [ confusing]. I moderately [ unnecessary adverb-reduce the use of adverbs in writing] suggest the authorities should set different regulations to cope with different criminals.
March 28, 2020 at 3:34 amNowadays, many countries usually punish citizens who break the law for a longer-term imprisonment. In my opinion, the prison term is a deterrent effect for the prisoner, but there are other methods to educate them.
I accept that governments put criminals in prison for a prolonging period. It is a correct choice that authorities take measures to limit the freedom of these people who committed grave errors. That is because these individuals have the capability that continue to endanger ordinary citizens. As a result, I agree it is an excellent approach to protect other people’s safety and make society more stable.
However, I would argue that there are better ways to curb crime. For example, I maintain that the penalty is also a brilliant method to punish criminals. It is difficult for most people to make money in our real life, and persons usually value it. As a result, people will be not to violate any regulations if there is a huge ticket. What is more, the government could build some rudimentary facilities using these fines. It is also beneficial to the lives of citizens.
Moreover, compulsory education is an excellent solution too. The relevant departments can offer a variety of lessons of moral education for adults who commit a minor crime. This method not only gives prisoners some warnings but also boosts the government’s reputation. Consequently, the way authorities implement will leave a good impression on the public.
In conclusion, I consider what put the prisoner in jail is not the only method to solve the problem of punishing people who break the law. I suggest the authorities should set different regulations to cope with different criminals.
Score: 54.5
Nowadays, many countries usually [unnecessary adverb ] punish citizens who break the law for a [ article error ] longer-term imprisonment. In my opinion, the prison term is a deterrent effect for the prisoner [ would a prisoner care of staying in prison? ] , but there are other methods to educate them [unclear thesis/what is your opinion? ] .
I accept that governments put criminals in prison for a prolonging period [ unclear] . It [ unclear pronoun] is a correct choice that authorities take measures [ redundant/= correct choice ] to limit the freedom of these people who committed grave errors. (That is because) [ wordy] these individuals have the capability (that continue to) [unclear wordy ] endanger ordinary citizens. As a result, I agree [ redundant ] it is an excellent [ vague word ] approach to protect other people’s safety and make society more stable.
However, I would argue that there are better ways to curb crime. For example, (I maintain that the ) [redundant ] penalty is also a brilliant [ vague word ] method to punish criminals. It [ unclear pronoun ] is difficult for most people to make money in our real life, and persons usually value it [ unclear pronoun] . As a result, people will be not to violate any regulations if there is a huge ticket. [grammatical error ] What is more [word form ] , the government could build some rudimentary [ incorrect word ] facilities using these fines. [ choppy sentence ] It [unclear pronoun ] is also beneficial to the lives of citizens.
Moreover, compulsory education is an excellent [unclear ] solution too. [ lacking connection from the prior sentence ] The relevant departments can offer a variety of (lessons of moral education) [wordy ] for adults who commit a minor crime. This method not only gives prisoners [ wrong word ] some warnings but also boosts the government’s reputation. Consequently, the way authorities implement [ unclear ] will leave a good impression on the public.
In conclusion, I consider (what put the prisoner in jail is) [ wordy ] not the only method to solve the (problem of punishing people who break the law) [confused ] . I suggest the authorities should set different regulations to cope with different criminals.
May 1, 2020 at 10:39 amNowadays, many countries punish citizens who violate the law for a long prison term. In my opinion, it may be an excellent point that try to make them better with training and education.
What governments put criminals in prison for a prolonging period is a correct choice. That is because authorities need to limit the freedom of these people who committed grave errors. These individuals have the capability to endanger ordinary citizens if police do not restrict these bad elements’ scopes of activities. As a result, it is an effect approach to protect other people’s safety and make society more stable.
However, I would argue that there are better ways to curb crime. For example, the penalty is also a beneficial method to punish criminals. Earning money is difficult for most people in our real life, and persons usually value it. As a result, people will not violate any regulations if there is a huge ticket. Moreover, the government could build some fundamental facilities using these fines. These devices can keep citizens fit.
In fact, I guess the reason why a few people end up in prison is they lack of education. Therefore, some educations about moral and law are necessary. In addition, they will feel a sense of accomplishment if they can learn job skills. It is because they consider they can make the contribution to the society.
In conclusion, we should try to make effort to go to the root of the problem. I suggest the authorities should give prisoners the second chance and this can make our society safer and stronger.
Score: ungraded
Issues:
- Lots of grammatical errors.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
May 3, 2020 at 1:42 amGiving prisoners a second chance
Nowadays, many countries punish citizens who violate the law for a lengthy prison term. However, it may be an excellent point that tries to make them better with training and education.
What governments put criminals in prison for a prolonging period is the correct choice. Authorities need to limit the freedom of these people who committed grave errors if conditions permit. That is because these individuals are able to endanger ordinary citizens again if the police do not restrict their scopes of activities. As a result, it is an effective approach to protect other people’s safety and make society more stable.
I would argue that there are better ways to curb crime. For example, the penalty is also a beneficial method to punish criminals. Earning money is difficult for most people in real life, and persons usually value it. As a result, people will not violate any regulations if there is a huge ticket. Moreover, the government could build some exercise facilities using these fines. These devices can keep citizens fit.
I guess the reason why a few people end up in prison is they lacked education. So some education about moral and law are necessary. And they will feel a sense of accomplishment if they can learn job skills. It is because they consider they can make contributions to society.
In conclusion, we should try to make efforts to go to the root of the problem. The authorities should give prisoners the skills for a second chance and this can make our society safer and more prosperous.
Score: 65.2
Final Revision
Nowadays, many countries punish citizens who violate the law
forthrough/using/by imposing a lengthy prison term. While respecting this punitive measure, I am of the opinion thatHowever, it may be an excellent point that tries to make them better withappropriate occupational training, in conjunction with moral education, may work better.WhatAlthoughgovernments put criminals in prison for a prolonging period is thea prolonged imprisonment might be a correct/handy choice. Authorities, this punishment becomes meaningful only when it is applied toneed to limit the freedom of thesethe people who committedgrave errorsif conditions permit. That is because these individualsare able tocould endanger ordinary citizens again if the police do not restrict theirscopes ofactivities.As a result, it is an effective approach to protect other people’s safety and make society more stable.I would argue that there are better ways to curb crime. For example,
thefinancial penaltyiscould also be abeneficialviable method topunish criminals. SinceEearning money is difficult for most peoplein real life,and persons usually value it. As a result, people willan individual would be reluctantnotto violate any regulations if there iswere a huge ticket for doing so.Moreover, the government could build some exercise facilities using these fines. These devices can keep citizens fit.[ off topic ]I guess the reason why a few people ended up in prison is that they lacked appropriate education.
SoAs such, some moral and legal educationabout moraland law areremains necessary.And theyAdditionally, inmates wouldwillfeel a sense of accomplishment if theycan learnacquired job skills that could translate into a better life.It is because they consider they can make contributions to society. AppIn conclusion, we should try to make efforts to go to the root of the problem.[unclear ]The authorities should give prisonersthe skills fora second chance, whichand thiscan make our society safer and more prosperous.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.