A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms.

  • caoyl99
    University: University of Michigan
    Nationality: China
    July 19, 2020 at 8:46 pm

    The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

    “A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night.”

    Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

    This article suggests that in order to achieve success in business, companies should hire people who sleep no more than 6 hours per night. To support this statement, the author cited a survey recruiting 300 male and female advertising executives who reported that they only need less than 6 hours of sleep. On top of that, the article also mentioned the association between sleep hours per night and the profit margins as well as its rate of growth. Careful scrutiny of the presented arguments presented reveals that there are at least two assumptions that require more supportive evidence.

    According to the article, the author assumed that the survey referred to in this article is objective, with high credibility. However, without certain details, this survey may be not statistically reliable, thus could result in the failure of correctly indicating the real sleep performance of the hired executives. Firstly, the criteria for the subjects’ recruitments is unclear. Common senses suggest that as people get aged, the hours of sleep needed would gradually decrease. If the subjects were collected from a population that is averagely older than normal employees, the result may not be treated as seriously. Moreover, the data collected in the survey could not be representative. As it is barely possible for the researchers to watch the subjects 24/7 in order to collect their exact hours of sleep, this survey could be self-reported. The inaccuracy and bias caused by inherent limitations of this type of research would render less credibility of the result. Without further evidence of the survey’s reliability, it would be impossible to draw any affirmative conclusions about the importance of sleep hours.

    Additionally, the article indicated that the results obtained from a survey conducted with the industry of advertising are universally applicable to other fields. The core requirements of each industry should be taken into consideration. While advertising staff may need to stay awake, keep making adjustments based on the requests of their cooperators, the people working in the service industry, however, think more highly of the interpersonal skills necessary for offering satisfactory service to customers. Sleeping too less may make them can’t concentrate on their work, such as listening closely to their customers’ requirements, during shifts. Without further consideration of whether the advertising firm is typical enough or not, it would be facile to simply promote this conclusion to all businesses.

    In conclusion, while at first glance it might seem to make sense to hire those people who reported themselves having no more than 6 hours of sleep, it sometimes does not. To further bolster the argument, the firms should present better evidence, ruling out other factors playing roles in the success of a company. Other analyses, such as what is critical to achieving triumph as an advertising firm and what are the roles of executives in a company, must also be made. With all this being considered, a well-supported decision could be made.

     

    July 22, 2020 at 3:41 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

     

    1. Word choice errors;
    2. About 65% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    3. About 18% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    caoyl99
    University: University of Michigan
    Nationality: China
    July 23, 2020 at 4:49 am

    This article suggests all companies hire people who sleep no more than 6 hours per night to achieve business success. To support this statement, the author cited a survey recruiting 300 male and female advertising executives and mentioned the association between sleep hours per night and the profit margins, as well as the rate of profit growth. Scrutiny of the arguments reveals that there are at least two assumptions that require more supportive evidence.

    To begin with, the survey referred to in this article might not be statistically reliable. Since the criteria of the subject’s recruitments are unclear, the participants might be selected from a narrow scope of population. Common senses suggest that as people get aged, the hours of sleep needed would decrease over time. If the study collected the volunteers from a population with an average age of 40, the result might not be too biased to prove anything. Moreover, considering this survey could be self-reported as it is barely possible for the researchers to watch the participants 24/7 to record their exact hours of sleep, the survey results could not be representative. The inaccuracy due to the inherent limitations of this type of research would render less credibility. Due to the lack of enough details, this survey could not indicate the real sleep performance of the hired executives.

    Additionally, the results obtained from a survey conducted with the industry of advertising are not universally applicable. The core requirements of each industry should be taken into consideration. While advertising staff may need to stay up late, making adjustments based on the requests of their cooperators, the people working in the service industry, however, think more highly of the interpersonal skills necessary for offering satisfactory service to customers. Sleeping too little may make them fail to listen carefully to their customers’ requirements during shifts. Without further consideration of whether the advertising firm is typical enough or not, it would be facile to promote the application of the conclusion to all businesses.

    In summary, the argument that all the business should hire people who sleep no more than 6 hours to prosper is not feasible. To further bolster the argument, the firms should present better evidence, ruling out other factors playing roles in the success of a company. Additional analysis, such as what is critical to achieving triumph as an advertising firm and what are the roles of executives in a company, must also be made. While taking all these into account, the firms could make a better-supported decision.

    July 24, 2020 at 10:08 pm

    This article suggests all companies hire people who sleep no more than 6 hours per night [ in an effort ]to achieve business success. To support this statement, the author cited[ cites ] a survey recruiting [ involving ]300 male and female advertising executives and mentioned the [ indicates an ]association between sleep hours per night and the[ corporate ] profit margins, as well as the rate of profit growth. Scrutiny of the[author’s  ] arguments reveals that there are at least two assumptions that require more supportive evidence.

    To begin with, the survey referred to in this article might not be statistically reliable[ /significant ]. Since the criteria of (the subject’s)[unclear  ] recruitments are unclear, the participants might be selected from a narrow scope of population. Common senses [Medical science suggests  ]suggest that as people get aged[become older  ], the hours of sleep needed would decrease over time. If the study collected [ represented ]the volunteers from a population with an average age of 40, the result might[ would ] not be (too biased to prove anything)[ unclear ]. Moreover, considering this survey could be self-reported as[since  ] it is barely possible for the researchers to [might not  ]watch the participants 24/7 to record their exact hours of sleep, the survey results could not be representative[atypical  ]. The inaccuracy due to the inherent limitations of this type of [ the ] research would render less credibility. Due to the lack of enough [sufficient  ]details[/data  ], this survey [perhaps  ]could not (indicate the real sleep performance of the hired executives)[ unclear ].

    Additionally, the [survey  ]results obtained from a survey conducted with the industry of [  relating to the ]advertising[industry  ] are [may  ]not[ be ] universally applicable. The core requirements of each industry [unclear  ]should be taken into consideration. While advertising staff may need to stay up late, making adjustments based on the requests of their cooperators,[unclear  ] the people working in the service industry, however, think more highly of the interpersonal skills necessary for offering satisfactory service to customers.[verbose/unclear  ] Sleeping too little may make them fail to listen carefully to their customers’ requirements during shifts. Without further consideration of whether (the advertising firm is typical enough or not)[unclear  ], it would be facile to promote the application of the conclusion to all businesses.

    In summary, the argument that all the business [ word form error ]should hire people who sleep no more than 6 hours( to prosper)[ unclear ] is not feasible. To further bolster the argument, the firms[unclear  ] should present better evidence, ruling out other factors playing roles in the success of a company. Additional analysis, such as what is critical to achieving triumph as an advertising firm and what are the roles of executives in a company, must also be made[verbose/unclear  ]. While taking all these into account, (the firms could make a better-supported decision)[ logical confusion ].