Advertising aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Advertising aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • tunguska
    University: Shenzhen
    Nationality: China
    May 30, 2020 at 8:37 am

    Advertising aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    Nowadays, many children are exposed to a large number of advertisements which usually encourage teenagers to buy many snacks, toys and video games. I thus believe that these should be restricted or even forbidden.

    If advertising campaign directed at children are regulated, children would not pester their parents to buy many goods for them. Because children are not sensitive to prices, and do not realise that the advertising products, such as expensive toys and fashionable clothes, cost a lot. If they are not bombarded with advertisements, they would not nag their parents to buy these expensive products. This is particular important for those low-income families who have been living under economic pressure.

    Moreover, many children have developed some behavioural problems and lifestyle issues because of watching advertisements. Some of them like fast food, since they are overwhelmed by fast food advertising every day. Others may easily lose their temper, owing to they play electronic games promoted by advertising firms all day long. All these matters can pose a threat to children’s health and growth.

    On the other hand, we should recognise the advantage brings by advertisements.

    For example, some advertisements disseminate information about nourishing food like milk and cereal, and there are also many commercials selling books and educative toys. Parents can purchase the best products with the information of advertisement, when they are not familiar with these goods.

    Overall, I suppose that the government should enforce a restriction on advertisements directed at children, especially those may harmful to children’s development.

     

    June 2, 2020 at 1:49 am

    Score: 50.3

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 35% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.