After high school, students should take at least one year to work or travel before beginning college.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing After high school, students should take at least one year to work or travel before beginning college.

  • Quanchi
    University: University of Nottingham Ningbo China
    Nationality: Chinese
    September 15, 2020 at 8:29 am

    After high school, students should take at least one year to work or travel before beginning college.

    What we are discussing is whether high school students should spend at least one year working or traveling in society before they attend colleges or not. Arguments are varied thanks to the differences that exist in the values. I, in this discussion, tend to claim that students should take at least one year to work with people in society. My tendency derives from the examination over the perspective of the students and society.

    Firstly, from the perspective of the students who just graduate from high school and lack of social experience as well as specific skills, spending one year or more working in the society can drastically promote their relevant abilities in the future. Through these gap years, students can figure out which field they are actually willing to dive in and better prepare corresponding skills in the universities for future career development. For example, my elder brother Paul, who chose computer science as his college specialty, knew exactly which ability needed to be successful in this field when he began college, after spending one year working with sophisticated specialists in a local firm.

    Additionally, from the perspective of society, students who choose to take one gap year or more can increase the whole competition of society in the future. Students know exactly what they need to accomplish their achievements though working with excellent people during these gap periods, and in turn they will contribute more to the whole field as well as the society after they graduate from the universities. For example, my professor Tom who masters in his field and is qualified to be one of the most famous scholars in my university, directly pushes the development of computer science in the whole society by publishing several excellent essays, after spending two years working in Google with many excellent people.

    Some people claim that spending time in society instead of attending universities directly is a waste of time since fresh students cannot learn much from their coworkers efficiently based on their limited existed knowledge. However, their poor knowledge or some unsuccessful experience during the gap year can significantly push them to work harder. Moreover, students also have a chance to make new friends who may change their life.

    Hence, spending at least one year working in the society can not only increase students’ social experience and professional skills but also increase the whole competition of society in the future.

    September 16, 2020 at 8:49 pm

    What we are discussing is whether high school students should spend at least one year working or traveling in society before they attend colleges or not. Arguments are varied thanks to the differences that exist in the values. I, in this discussion, tend to claim that students should take at least one year to work with people in society. [ Writing meaningless content is wasting readers’ time. Use your own words to write. ]My tendency derives from the examination over the perspective of the students and society.

    Firstly, from the perspective of the students who just graduate from high school and lack of social experience as well as specific skills, spending one year or more working in the society can drastically promote their relevant abilities in the future. Through these gap years, students can figure out which field they are actually willing to dive in and better prepare corresponding skills in the universities for future career development. For example, my elder brother Paul, who chose computer science as his college specialty, knew exactly which ability needed to be successful in this field when he began college, after spending one year working with sophisticated specialists in a local firm.

    Additionally, from the perspective of society, students who choose to take one gap year or more can increase the whole competition of society in the future. Students know exactly what they need to accomplish their achievements though working with excellent people during these gap periods, and in turn they will contribute more to the whole field as well as the society after they graduate from the universities. For example, my professor Tom who masters in his field and is qualified to be one of the most famous scholars in my university, directly pushes the development of computer science in the whole society by publishing several excellent essays, after spending two years working in Google with many excellent people.

    Some people claim that spending time in society instead of attending universities directly is a waste of time since fresh students cannot learn much from their coworkers efficiently based on their limited existed knowledge. However, their poor knowledge or some unsuccessful experience during the gap year can significantly push them to work harder. Moreover, students also have a chance to make new friends who may change their life.

    Hence, spending at least one year working in the society can not only increase students’ social experience and professional skills but also increase the whole competition of society in the future.

    September 16, 2020 at 8:53 pm

     

    Score: 40

    Issues:

    1. Many sentences are lengthy and grammatically wrong;
    2. Lengthy essay. Restrict your essay to 300 – 320 words (optimal for TOEFL Independent Essay);
    3. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.