Agriculture provides food but sacrifices environment

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Agriculture provides food but sacrifices environment

  • yumh
    University: Nanjing University
    Nationality: the People's Republic of China
    April 15, 2019 at 1:18 pm

    TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern agriculture does damage the environment, but providing food for the growing population around the world is more important than protecting the environment.

    Nowadays, the world population grows with each passing day. Improving the grain yield has become modern agriculture’s priority. Nevertheless, overexploited arable lands bring about serious destruction. Certain individuals claim that modern agriculture’s damage to the environment is inevitable. However, I hold the opposite view that we shouldn’t neglect the significance of the environment.

    No doubt, agriculture relies on the environment. Destroying the environment would merely bring about short-term interests. The famous example is the rainforest farming on Amazon Plain. On account of locating in the tropic areas, Amazon has plenty of forests’ resources. The strategy adopted by local citizens is cutting down trees and cultivating maize to satisfy the desire of increasing population. At first, it works. Shortly after, this kind of farming disturbs the local environment and climate. The worst drought in decades gives a big lesson to the Amazon dwellers.

    Furthermore, advanced agricultural technology can effectively improve the grain yield, but not hurt the environment. As we all know, gene-modified (GM) crops have some unique advantages. For instance, those crops can resist injurious insects’ attacking, which is conducive to the environment because of no pesticide. GM crops also can improve the grain’s size and weight due to changing corresponding enzymes in the plant cell. People are capable to increase the harvest, and protect the environment at the same time.

    Admittedly, owing to factors such as religion, politics, war and natural disasters, enormous amounts of world’s refugees need to obtain food regardless of the environments. However, international rescue or regional coordination can settle this situation.

    According to all the reasons I pointed out above, no damage to the environment should be the precondition of modern agriculture. Sustainable development can produce more merits.

    April 15, 2019 at 8:59 pm

    Report from WritersForMe.com

    SCORE

    42.7

    PROBLEMS

    • The essay is very hard to read (use easy words; remove all repetitive/unnecessary words from a sentence);
    • Excessive use of passive-voice sentences (reduce to less than 5%);
    • Some long sentences are very difficult to understand;
    • Excessive use of adverbs (either remove unnecessary adverbs or substitute them with forceful verbs);
    • Convention errors (check sentence spacing);
    • Vocabulary/Variety (avoid using same words/expressions);
    • Shorten your essay to -320 words.

    GOOD POINTS

    1. Sentence flow: Great!
    2. Paragraph Length: Great!
    3. Transition Words:  Great!
    4. Sentence length: Great!

    Please rewrite and re-upload your essay.

    yumh
    University: Nanjing University
    Nationality: the People's Republic of China
    April 16, 2019 at 5:50 am

    Nowadays, the world population grows with each passing day. Improving the grain yield has become modern agriculture’s priority. Nevertheless, overexploited arable lands bring about serious destruction. Certain individuals claim that modern agriculture’s damage to the environment is inevitable. However, I hold the opposite view that we shouldn’t neglect the significance of the environment.

    No doubt, agriculture relies on the environment. Destroying the environment would merely bring about short-term interests. The famous example is the rainforest farming on Amazon Plain. On account of locating in the tropic areas, Amazon has plenty of forests’ resources. The strategy adopted by local citizens is cutting down trees and cultivating maize to satisfy the desire of increasing population. At first, it works. Shortly after, this kind of farming disturbs the local environment and climate. The worst drought in decades gives a big lesson to the Amazon dwellers.

    Furthermore, advanced agricultural technology can effectively improve the grain yield, but not hurt the environment. As we all know, gene-modified (GM) crops have some unique advantages. For instance, those crops can resist injurious insects’ attacking, which is conducive to the environment because of no pesticide. GM crops also can improve the grain’s size and weight due to changing corresponding enzymes in the plant cell. People are capable to increase the harvest, and protect the environment at the same time.

    Admittedly, owing to factors such as religion, politics, war and natural disasters, enormous amounts of world’s refugees need to obtain food regardless of the environments. However, international rescue or regional coordination can settle this situation.

    According to all the reasons I pointed out above, no damage to the environment should be the precondition of modern agriculture. Sustainable development can produce more merits.

    April 16, 2019 at 8:19 pm

    Report from WritersForMe.com

    SCORE

    44.7

    PROBLEMS

    • Writing effectiveness. You need to prioritize simplicity while retaining all relevant information (within a sentence). Also, you need to address factual and logical inconsistencies when you rewrite this essay.

    Examples for improvement.

    Nowadays, the world population grows with each passing day. – The world population grows with each passing day. (+0.4)

    Nevertheless, overexploited arable lands bring about serious destruction. – Nevertheless, overexploited arable lands bring serious destruction. (+0.1)

    Nevertheless, overexploited arable lands bring/have brought about serious environmental destruction [ + 0.4 (because the new sentence is LOGICALLY and FACTUALLY correct.)]

    GOOD POINTS

    1. Sentence flow: Great!
    2. Paragraph Length: Great!
    3. Transition Words:  Great:
    4. Minimum passive voice;
    5. Good sentence length;

    You need to rewrite and re-upload your essay.