Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning

  • @Lucy
    University: 河池学院
    Nationality: China
    September 22, 2021 at 2:13 pm

    issue topic:

    Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning

    my response:

    It is not uncommon to see students playing on varied electronic consumables rather than applying them to study, although sometimes these devices are intended to facilitate learning initially. Despite this, I strongly believe that instead of technology per se, inappropriate application ways and some students’ less self-discipline are the real factors distracting students from learning.

    Innovations are always powerful tools beneficial for people to learn and think in intellectual history: the adventure of papers largely helps people write, think, and record knowledge. Therefore, it is more convenient to learn by books instead of by records on stones current technology. The internet helps teachers collect information, prepare curriculum and make powerpoints, which can highly improve the breadth and vividness of a course. Likely, students can search for information and discuss with others online by using electronics like smartphones and tablets. All these characteristics of current high-tech products can equip students with irreplaceable tools and therefore help them focus on real learning, except for some potential pitfalls of technology: inappropriate use and lack of self-discipline of users.

    Improper ways of using technology can more or less harm learning. A vivid example is that some teachers overly rely on the boring use of powerpoints by, for instance, reading content monotonously regardless of interactions with students within the classroom, which is indeed detrimental to the process of knowledge incorporation and comprehension of students. Another cause of bad use of technology is that some students lack enough self-discipline to adhere to study, especially when some intelligent devices like smartphones are in their hands, resulting in these devices becoming entertainment tools and thus having an adverse bearing on learning.

    However, from the analysis above, we by no means can attribute some distractions to technology per se, because, after all, we are masters of these new technological gadgets, and condemnations of technology are buck-passing and ultimately useless. Instead, the crux of the matter lies in how to improve our self-discipline and optimize ways that technology is used to make it contribute to learning.

    September 23, 2021 at 1:58 pm

    It is not uncommon to see students playing on varied (word choice error) electronic consumables (word choice error) rather than applying (using) them to study, although sometimes these devices are intended to facilitate learning initially. Despite this, I strongly believe that instead of technology per se, inappropriate application ways (simplify) and some students’ less (lack of) self-discipline are the real factors distracting students from learning.

    Innovations are always powerful tools beneficial for people to learn and think in intellectual history: the adventure of papers largely helps people write, think, and record knowledge. Therefore, it is more convenient to learn by books instead of by records on stones current technology. The internet helps teachers collect information, prepare curriculum and make powerpoints, which can highly improve the breadth and vividness of a course. Likely, students can search for information and discuss with others online by using electronics like smartphones and tablets. All these characteristics of current high-tech products can equip students with irreplaceable tools and therefore help them focus on real learning, except for some potential pitfalls of technology: inappropriate use and lack of self-discipline of users.

    Improper ways of using technology can more or less harm learning. A vivid example is that some teachers overly rely on the boring use of powerpoints by, for instance, reading content monotonously regardless of interactions with students within the classroom, which is indeed detrimental to the process of knowledge incorporation and comprehension of students. Another cause of bad use of technology is that some students lack enough self-discipline to adhere to study, especially when some intelligent devices like smartphones are in their hands, resulting in these devices becoming entertainment tools and thus having an adverse bearing on learning.

    However, from the analysis above, we by no means can attribute some distractions to technology per se, because, after all, we are masters of these new technological gadgets, and condemnations of technology are buck-passing and ultimately useless. Instead, the crux of the matter lies in how to improve our self-discipline and optimize ways that technology is used to make it contribute to learning.

    September 23, 2021 at 1:58 pm

    Partial Revision (please fix similar errors, revise whole essay, and resubmit)

    @Lucy
    University: 河池学院
    Nationality: China
    September 23, 2021 at 3:38 pm

    It is not uncommon to see students playing on electronics rather than using them to study, although sometimes these devices are intended to facilitate learning initially. Despite this, I strongly believe that instead of technology per se, inappropriate use and some students’ lack of) self-discipline are the real factors distracting students from learning.

    Innovations are always powerful tools beneficial for people to learn and think in intellectual history: the adventure of papers largely helps people write, think, and record knowledge. Therefore, it is more convenient to learn by books instead of by records on stones current technology. The internet helps teachers collect information, prepare curriculum and make powerpoints, which can highly improve the breadth and vividness of a course. Likely, students can search for information and discuss with others online by using electronics like smartphones and tablets. All these characteristics of current high-tech products can equip students with irreplaceable tools and therefore help them focus on real learning, except for some potential pitfalls of technology: inappropriate use and lack of self-discipline of users.

    Improper ways of using technology can more or less harm learning. A vivid example is that some teachers overly rely on the boring use of powerpoints by, for instance, reading content monotonously regardless of interactions with students within the classroom, which is indeed detrimental to the process of knowledge incorporation and comprehension of students. Another cause of bad use of technology is that some students lack enough self-discipline to adhere to study, especially when some intelligent devices like smartphones are in their hands, resulting in these devices becoming entertainment tools and thus having an adverse bearing on learning.

    However, from the analysis above, we by no means can attribute some distractions to technology per se, because, after all, we are masters of these new technological gadgets, and condemnations of technology are buck-passing and ultimately useless. Instead, the crux of the matter lies in how to improve our self-discipline and optimize ways that technology is used to make it contribute to learning.

    September 24, 2021 at 9:43 am

    It is not uncommon to see students playing on (with) electronics rather than using them to study, although sometimes these devices are intended to facilitate learning initially (delete). Despite this, I strongly believe that instead of technology per se (being the problem), inappropriate use and some students’ lack of self-discipline are the real factors distracting students from learning.

    Innovations are always (delete) powerful tools beneficial (delete) for people to learn and think/ in intellectual history: (delete) The adventure (invention) of papers (delete) largely helps (helped) people write, think, and record knowledge. Therefore, it is more convenient to learn by books (book) instead of by records on stones current technology (rewrite). The internet helps teachers collect information, prepare curriculum and make powerpoints, which can highly improve the breadth and vividness of a course. Likely, students can search for information and discuss with others online by using electronics like (delete) smartphones and tablets. All these characteristics of current high-tech products can equip students with irreplaceable tools and therefore help them focus on real learning, except for some potential pitfalls of technology: inappropriate use and lack of self-discipline of users.

    Improper ways of using (The improper use of) technology can more or less (delete) harm learning. A vivid example is that (For example,) some teachers overly rely on the boring use of powerpoints by, for instance, (delete) reading content monotonously regardless of interactions with students within the classroom, which is indeed (delete) detrimental to the process of knowledge incorporation and comprehension of (delete) students. Another cause (outcome) of bad use of technology is that some students lack enough self-discipline to adhere to (delete) study, especially when some intelligent devices like (delete) smartphones are in their hands, resulting in these devices becoming entertainment tools and thus having an adverse bearing on learning.

    However, from the analysis above, (delete) we by no means can (cannot) attribute some (these) distractions to technology per se, because, after all, we are masters of these new technological gadgets, and condemnations of technology are buck-passing and ultimately useless. Instead, the crux of the matter lies in how to improve our self-discipline and optimize ways that technology is used to make it contribute to learning.

    September 24, 2021 at 9:43 am

    Final revision – Good work, in general work on simplifying your writing and removing unnecessary words and phrases.

    September 24, 2021 at 1:51 pm

    Revision under suspension

    @Lucy
    University: 河池学院
    Nationality: China
    September 24, 2021 at 4:55 pm

    It is not uncommon to see students playing with electronics rather than using them to study, although sometimes these devices are intended to facilitate learning. Despite this, I strongly believe that instead of technology being the problem, inappropriate use and some students’ lack of self-discipline are the real factors distracting students from learning.

    Innovations are powerful tools for people to learn and think: the invention of paper largely helped people write, think, and record knowledge; based on this, learning becomes more convenient by book compared with other mediums like bamboo slip. Same with the situation nowadays, the internet helps teachers collect information, prepare curriculum and make powerpoints, which can highly improve the breadth and vividness of a course. Likely, students can search for information and discuss with others online by using smartphones and tablets. All these characteristics of current high-tech products can equip students with irreplaceable tools and therefore help them focus on real learning, except for some potential pitfalls of technology: inappropriate use and lack of self-discipline of users.

    The improper use of technology can harm learning. For example, some teachers overly rely on the boring use of powerpoints by reading content monotonously regardless of interactions with students within the classroom, which is detrimental to students’ study. Another outcome of bad use of technology is that some students lack enough self-discipline to study, especially with smartphones in their hands, resulting in these devices becoming entertainment tools and thus having an adverse bearing on learning.

    However, we cannot attribute these distractions to technology per se, because, after all, we are masters of these new technological gadgets, and condemnations of technology are buck-passing and ultimately useless. Instead, the crux of the matter lies in how to improve our self-discipline and optimize ways that technology is used to make it contribute to learning.

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