Anyone can use a mobile phone to answer the work call and home call at any place, or 7 days a week

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Anyone can use a mobile phone to answer the work call and home call at any place, or 7 days a week

  • en
    University: UESTC
    Nationality: China
    October 5, 2020 at 6:56 pm

    Anyone can use a mobile phone to answer the work call and home call at any place, or 7 days a week. Do you think there is more negative or positive on both individuals and society?

    The use of mobile phones allows people to contact for work or family issues without the limit of time or places. While this convenience has impacts on both individuals and society, in my opinion, they are more positive than negative.

    Being able to answer a work call or home call anywhere at any time makes the solving of problems more efficiently.  Because this way of communication reduces the time of waiting for reply. For example, in many cases people cannot proceed to the next step while handling problems before getting sufficient information from others. Making a phone call and being answered immediately are therefore very favorable. With the efficiency increased, both people and the whole society benefit from it.

    To be available all the time at any place is especially helpful when accidents happen. Since accidents cannot be avoid no matter in daily life or at work, getting in contact with the related people at the first time is of great importance. By using cell phones, those people can be acknowledged and then take measures quickly, hence losses can be reduced and other serious consequences can be minimized.

    On the other hand, this may also be negative because it can lead to the mix of life and work for people. In other words, they are likely to be disturbed by a work call beyond the work hours or by a home call while working. As a result, possibly they could neither concentrate on their job nor get enough rest during leisure time, which affect the quality of working and thus do harm to themselves and the society.

    In conclusion, phone calls can be answered regardless time and places with cell phones has both advantages and disadvantages. Taking those factors into consideration, I believe that it has more benefits than drawbacks.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    October 14, 2020 at 4:31 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Make your argument clear in the introduction – why are they more negative?
    4. Verb form errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.