As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units.

  • hyena
    University: Peking University
    Nationality: Chinese
    August 8, 2020 at 11:26 am

    As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. What are the causes of this trend and what are the effects on society?

    With the rapid development of society, more and more people would live alone or in smaller units rather than in big families. The changes in personal ideas and housing prices may lead to this situation, which also brings both advantages and disadvantages to society.

    The change in accommodation thanks to modern society. Citizens with heavy workload need to follow a dense daily schedule which may be quite different from their family numbers. The elders usually get up early to exercise, while the white-collar workers prefer to getting up late. Furthermore, with the fast growth of the accommodation price, fewer and fewer families can afford a big apartment in the center. Therefore, some of them decide to move to the suburbs when leaving the young in the city.

    The change in accommodation style benefits society. Firstly, the young becomes more independent, which is an essential capacity. They need to take care of themselves and do everything without their parents, which helps them to grow up quickly. Secondly, the employees will do more for their company when they live in small units. This means that they do not need to spend much time on family issues, like cooking for family numbers or looking after the elders.

    On the other hand, the separation of big families causes several problems. The relationship between family numbers will be weakened due to this tendency. The reduction of family talk and gathering may lead to strangeness. It can be seen in some news that some children cannot even recognize their parents because they have not seen each other for a long time. In addition, the change in accommodation will a bring heavy burden to society. Without the young’s care, society should spend more money on elders. For example, the government needs to build more nursery houses and hire more house careers.

    In conclusion, the changes in accommodation style may be due to the changes in personal schedules and the increase in housing prices. This change also brings society more efficient and independent officers but some family and aging problems at the same time.

    August 11, 2020 at 3:43 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

     

    1. Write in complete sentences
    2. Verb form errors
    3. Make your argument clear in the introduction
    4. About 25% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    hyena
    University: Peking University
    Nationality: Chinese
    August 25, 2020 at 10:00 am

    【updated version】

    With the rapid growth of society, more and more people would live alone or in smaller units. The modernization may be the main cause of the situation. And this phenomenon brings both efficient employees as well as aging problems.

    The change in accommodation thanks to modern society. Citizens and their family numbers have distinct lifestyles. This means that the elders usually get up early, while the white-collar workers prefer to get up late. Furthermore, with high living costs, fewer and fewer families can afford a big apartment in the city center. So, some of them decide to move to the suburbs when leaving the young in the city. The young left have to live individually or just with their small family.

    The change in accommodation habits benefits society. First of all, living alone can increase people’s independence and build a sense of responsibility. They need to take care of themselves and do everything without their parents, which helps them to grow up in a short time. Besides, small units boost the employees’ efficiency and performance as well as reduce the distractions from other family numbers. They do not need to spend much time on family issues but achieve a work-family balance.

    However, the separation of large families causes several problems. This tendency reduces face-to-face interaction so that family numbers are not as close as they used to be. The reduction of family talk and gathering may lead to strangeness. Some news shows that some children cannot recognize their parents if they leave each other for a long time. Additionally, the change in accommodation will bring a heavy burden to society. Without the young’s care, society should spend more money on the elderly.

    In conclusion, given changes in personal schedules and increasing living costs, the tendency mentioned above is a certainty. This change also brings more efficient and independent officers as well as more family and aging problems to society at the same time.

    August 26, 2020 at 1:28 am

    As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. What are the causes of this trend and what are the effects on society?

    With the rapid growth of society [unclear/does society grow bigger, taller, or heavier?  ], more and more people would live alone or in smaller units[ repetition of the prompt / use your own words to write ]. The [article error  ]modernization[unclear concept  ] may be the main cause of the situation. [punctuation error concerning coordinating conjunction  ]And this phenomenon brings[ unclear ] both efficient employees as well [wrong phrase  ]as aging problems[word form/article error  ].

    The change in accommodation thanks to modern society[ unclear ]. Citizens and their family numbers have distinct lifestyles. This means that the elders usually get up early, while the white-collar workers prefer to get up late. Furthermore, with high living costs, fewer and fewer families can afford a big apartment in the city center. So, some of them decide to move to the suburbs when leaving the young in the city. The young left have to live individually or just with their small family.

    The change in accommodation habits benefits society. First of all, living alone can increase people’s independence and build a sense of responsibility. They need to take care of themselves and do everything without their parents, which helps them to grow up in a short time. Besides, small units boost the employees’ efficiency and performance as well as reduce the distractions from other family numbers. They do not need to spend much time on family issues but achieve a work-family balance.

    However, the separation of large families causes several problems. This tendency reduces face-to-face interaction so that family numbers are not as close as they used to be. The reduction of family talk and gathering may lead to strangeness. Some news shows that some children cannot recognize their parents if they leave each other for a long time. Additionally, the change in accommodation will bring a heavy burden to society. Without the young’s care, society should spend more money on the elderly.

    In conclusion, given changes in personal schedules and increasing living costs, the tendency mentioned above is a certainty. This change also brings more efficient and independent officers as well as more family and aging problems to society at the same time.

    August 26, 2020 at 1:34 am

    I couldn’t complete the revision since all sentences are problematic.

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