At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

  • ZhenDanielYan
    University: Tianjin University
    Nationality: China
    January 21, 2021 at 3:44 am

    At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Someone think that the sports and social activities should be taken as equally important to class and libraries and given corresponding financial support. Sports and social activities play a considerable part in students’ life, we are supposed to stress these activities enough. However, overemphasis on them while overlooking on students’ basic work, taking classes, and learning from courses can cause hazardous outcomes.

    Sports and social activities are good complements to learning and researching for students. With sports and social activities, students can experience more versatile aspects of the campus life. After all, a student who could only take classes and do research is often view as a nerd guy in most people’s eye.

    However, this does not mean that we should overstate the importance of sports and activities and finance these activities the same as classes and libraries. One of the most fundamental functions of universities and colleges is to cultivate people with advanced skills. With that p

    rospect, universities and colleges should offer their students as good as possible classes and well-equipped libraries. Financing sports and social activities too much is in all possibilities to undermine the quality of the classes and the libraries, which makes profound harm to these advanced educational institutions.

    For students, sports and social activities are only individual penchants. The universities and colleges should give them freedom to choose their developing area. But too many expenditures on activities irrelevant of classes and research might mislead students and make them spend less time on the courses and research, which lower the quality of graduates of these advanced educational institutions and even the society.

    In summary, from my prospective, the vital role of the university and the college is to cultivate advanced talents in numerous industries. Giving superfluous stress on sports and social activities and financing them too much are much more likely to be detrimental for both the universities and the college and their students.

    February 3, 2021 at 3:06 pm

    Score: 38.6

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision )

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    ZhenDanielYan
    University: Tianjin University
    Nationality: China
    March 3, 2021 at 1:31 am

    Some people think that the sports and social activities should be taken as equally important to class and libraries. Admittedly, sports and social activities is an essential part in students’ life, and we should stress these activities. However, overemphasizing on them while overlooking on students’ basic work can cause hazardous outcomes. In my opinion, we should put more stress and budges to classes and libraries.

    Admittedly, sports and social activities are good complements to learning and researching for students. With sports and social activities, students can experience more versatile aspects of school life. After all, a student who only takes classes and does research is often view as a nerd guy in most people’s eyes. However, what worse is that a person graduating from universities and colleges is not qualified enough for their jobs. My big brother, Mathew, was pretty skilled at basketball and computer games. He poured much of his energy into these activities, which have nothing to do major study. He had earned good reputation on the campus for his capability in the social activity area. However, at the time he needed to find a job. What frustrated him was that no employer was willing to hire him for the reason that his major foundation was too poor. Obviously, we should not overstate the importance of sports and activities.

    Firstly, stressing and financing classes and libraries is very necessary. After all, the most fundamental function of advanced institutions is to cultivate people with advanced skills. With that prospect, universities and colleges should offer their students as good as possible classes and well-equipped libraries. As we all know, this well cost plenty of budgets from government. Financing sports and social activities too much is in all possibilities to undermine the quality of the classes and the libraries. I have a firm belief in my heart that it is the high level of scientific research and high-quality graduates that interests so small foreign students apply for American universities. Obviously, classes and libraries in the university play both important role in these attracting factors. That is to say, financing classes and libraries is financing the foundation of these well-known advanced institutions.

    Besides, sports and social activities are only individual penchants for individuals on campus. The universities and colleges should give them freedoms to choose their developing area. Nevertheless, too many expenditures on activities irrelevant of classes and research might mislead students. In doing this might make them spend less time on the courses and research, which lower the quality of graduates of these advanced educational institutions and even the society. On campus, students often bear heavy burden during their classes. With rich after-class activities, students are likely to have more difficulties to spare their time and energy. Even, there might forms an atmosphere in which students concentrate less on their classes and more on social activities.

    In summary, from my perspective, the vital role of the university and the college is to cultivate advanced talents in numerous industries. Giving superfluous stress on sports and social activities and financing them too much is much more likely to be detrimental for these advanced institutions and their students.

     

     

    March 3, 2021 at 4:31 pm

    Score: 53.4

    Issues:

    1. Lengthy paragraphs; restrict each paragraph to 110 words. (GRE essay 110-word qualifies for non-software revision; 90- word applies to TOEFL/IELTS essay );
    2. Lengthy essay. The optimal length of a TOEFL essay is between 300 and 320 words;
    3. Unclarity issues due to grammatical/logical errors. (Check the revision of the first paragraph.)
    March 3, 2021 at 4:31 pm

    Some people think that the[article error   ] sports and social activities should be taken as equally important [ as  ]to class and libraries. Admittedly, sports and social activities is [ grammatical error  ] (an[ this article can be removed., i.e., The Arab United Emirates, of which Dubai is part, ranks second in the world in covid-19 vaccinations per head.   ] essential part in[ /of  ]) students’ life, and[incorrect coordinating word  ] we should stress these activities. However, overemphasizing on[preposition error  ] them while overlooking on [ preposition error ] students’ (basic work)[ unclear; what is the basic work? ] can[/could  ] cause[/result in  ] hazardous [word choice issue  ] outcomes. In my opinion, we should (put more stress)[repetition  ] and (budges)[?  ] to[ preposition error ] classes and libraries.

    Admittedly, sports and social activities are good complements to learning and researching for students. With sports and social activities, students can experience more versatile aspects of school life. After all, a student who only takes classes and does research is often view as a nerd guy in most people’s eyes. However, what worse is that a person graduating from universities and colleges is not qualified enough for their jobs. My big brother, Mathew, was pretty skilled at basketball and computer games. He poured much of his energy into these activities, which have nothing to do major study. He had earned good reputation on the campus for his capability in the social activity area. However, at the time he needed to find a job. What frustrated him was that no employer was willing to hire him for the reason that his major foundation was too poor. Obviously, we should not overstate the importance of sports and activities.

    Firstly, stressing and financing classes and libraries is very necessary. After all, the most fundamental function of advanced institutions is to cultivate people with advanced skills. With that prospect, universities and colleges should offer their students as good as possible classes and well-equipped libraries. As we all know, this well cost plenty of budgets from government. Financing sports and social activities too much is in all possibilities to undermine the quality of the classes and the libraries. I have a firm belief in my heart that it is the high level of scientific research and high-quality graduates that interests so small foreign students apply for American universities. Obviously, classes and libraries in the university play both important role in these attracting factors. That is to say, financing classes and libraries is financing the foundation of these well-known advanced institutions.

    Besides, sports and social activities are only individual penchants for individuals on campus. The universities and colleges should give them freedoms to choose their developing area. Nevertheless, too many expenditures on activities irrelevant of classes and research might mislead students. In doing this might make them spend less time on the courses and research, which lower the quality of graduates of these advanced educational institutions and even the society. On campus, students often bear heavy burden during their classes. With rich after-class activities, students are likely to have more difficulties to spare their time and energy. Even, there might forms an atmosphere in which students concentrate less on their classes and more on social activities.

    In summary, from my perspective, the vital role of the university and the college is to cultivate advanced talents in numerous industries. Giving superfluous stress on sports and social activities and financing them too much is much more likely to be detrimental for these advanced institutions and their students.

    March 3, 2021 at 4:53 pm

    Partial revision [Revise your essay to make it clearer]

    ZhenDanielYan
    University: Tianjin University
    Nationality: China
    March 4, 2021 at 1:26 am

    Some people think that sports and social activities should be taken as equally important as class and libraries. Admittedly, sports and social activities are essential parts of students’ life. We should put emphasis on these activities. However, overemphasizing them while overlooking students’ classes and research could result in detrimental outcomes. In my opinion, we should pay more attention and allocate more budgets to classes and libraries.

    Admittedly, sports and social activities are good complements to learning and researching for students. With sports and social activities, students can experience more versatile aspects of school life. A student who only takes classes and does research is often view as a nerd guy in most people’s eyes. However, what worse is that a person graduating from universities and colleges is not qualified enough for their jobs. My big brother, Mathew, was pretty skilled at basketball and computer games. He poured most of his energy into these activities, which have nothing to do major study. He had earned good reputation on the campus for his capability in the social activity area. However, at the time he needed to find a job. What frustrated him was that no employer was willing to hire him for the reason that his major foundation was too poor. Obviously, we should not overstate the importance of sports and activities.

    Firstly, stressing and financing classes and libraries is very necessary. After all, the most fundamental function of advanced institutions is to cultivate people with advanced skills. With that prospect, universities and colleges should offer their students classes and libraries as good as possible. As we all know, this well cost plenty of budgets of universities and colleges. Financing sports and social activities too much is in all possibilities to undermine the quality of the classes and the libraries. I have a firm belief in my heart that it is the high level of scientific research and high-quality graduates that interests so many foreign students apply for American universities. Obviously, classes and libraries in the university play more important role in attracting applicants. That is to say, financing classes and libraries is financing the foundation of these advanced institutions.

    Besides, sports and social activities are only individual penchants for individuals on campus. The universities and colleges should give them freedoms to choose their developing area. Nevertheless, too many expenditures on activities irrelevant of classes and research might mislead students. In doing this might make them spend less time on the courses and research, which lower the quality of graduates of these advanced educational institutions and even the society. On campus, students often bear heavy burden during their classes. With rich after-class activities, students are likely to have more difficulties to spare their time and energy. There even might forms an atmosphere in which students concentrate less on their classes and more on social activities.

    In summary, from my perspective, the vital role of the university and the college is to cultivate advanced talents in numerous industries. Giving superfluous emphasis on sports and social activities and financing them too much is much more likely to be harmful for these advanced institutions and their students.

    March 4, 2021 at 9:10 pm

    Invalid [failure to resolve issues mentioned in the prior feedback]

    ZhenDanielYan
    University: Tianjin University
    Nationality: China
    March 5, 2021 at 1:42 am

    Some people think that sports and social activities should be taken as equally important as class and libraries. Actually, sports and social activities are important in students’ life. We should put emphasis on these activities. However, overemphasizing them while overlooking students’ classes and research could result in detrimental outcomes. In my opinion, we should pay more attention and allocate more budgets to classes and libraries.

    One of the vital aims of universities and colleges is to cultivate people with advanced skills. And with that prospect, universities and colleges should offer their students classes and libraries as good as possible. This will cost plenty of budgets of universities and colleges. I have a firm belief that it is the high level of scientific research and high-quality graduates that interests so many foreign students apply for American universities. In other words, classes and libraries play more important role in attracting applicants. Hence, financing classes and libraries is necessary.

    Besides, universities and colleges should give their students freedoms to choose their developing area. Too many expenditures on activities irrelevant of classes and research might mislead students. Nowadays, students have been bearing heavy burden. With rich after-class activities, students might have more difficulties to spare their time and energy. There even might forms an atmosphere in which students concentrate less on their classes while more on social activities.

    Admittedly, sports and social activities are good complements to learning and researching for students. With these activities, students can enjoy campus life in a versatile way. A student only taking classes and doing research is often view as a nerd guy. However, what worse is that a graduate from universities or colleges is not qualified enough for his job. Obviously, we should not overstate the importance of sports and activities.

    In summary, universities and colleges should finance classes and libraries more to guarantee their research and graduates quality.

    March 5, 2021 at 5:00 pm

    Some people think that sports and social activities should be taken as equally important as class and libraries. Actually[Clearly  ], sports and social activities are (important)[vague/use a more meaningful word  ] in students’ life. We [, so they  ]should (put emphasis on)[ wordy/use one verb ] these activities. However, overemphasizing them while overlooking students’ classes and research could [also  ]result in detrimental outcomes. In my opinion, we should pay more attention [,  ]and allocate more budgets[ word form error ] [ , ]to classes and libraries.

    One of the vital aims of universities and colleges is to cultivate people [ students ]with advanced skills. [ punctuation error with coordinating conjunction ](And with that prospect)[ To this end ], (universities and colleges)[ repetition /higher academic institutions ] should offer their students classes and libraries (as good as possible)[unclear  ]. This[unclear pronoun/replace with clear noun phrase  ] will cost (plenty of budgets)[ rephrase ] of universities and colleges. I have a firm belief that it is the high level of [Since high-level ]scientific research and high-quality graduates [characteristic of American universities  ] that interests so [remain attractive to  ]many foreign students apply for American universities. In other words, classes and libraries play more important role in attracting applicants. Hence, financing classes and libraries is necessary[ vague ]. [ This paragraph is poorly structured. ]

    Besides, universities and colleges should give their students freedoms[ word form error ] to choose [and further develop  ] their developing[wrong word  ] area[ word form error ]. (Too many expenditures)[rephrase  ] on activities irrelevant of[wrong preposition  ] classes and research might mislead students. Nowadays, students (have been)[ tense error ] bearing[ article error ] heavy burden. With rich after-class activities,( students might have more difficulties to spare their time and energy)[ unclear ]. (There even might forms)[ grammatical error ] an atmosphere in which students concentrate less on their classes while more on social activities.

    Admittedly, sports and social activities are good complements to learning and researching for students. With these activities, students can enjoy campus life in a versatile[wrong word  ] way. A student only taking classes[ word form error ] and doing research is often view[grammatical error  ] as a nerd guy. However, (what worse is)[ grammatical error ] that a [university  ]graduate from universities or colleges is (not qualified enough)[avoid using NOT  ] for his job. Obviously, we should not overstate the importance of sports and activities.

    In summary, universities and colleges should finance classes and libraries more to guarantee their research [ quality ] and graduates quality.[ graduates’ employability/intellectual curiosity ]

    ZhenDanielYan
    University: Tianjin University
    Nationality: China
    March 7, 2021 at 6:33 am

    It is clear that sports and social activities are necessary in students’ life. So they should emphasize these activities. However, overemphasizing them while overlooking classes and research could also result in detrimental outcomes. In my opinion, we should pay more attention, and give more financial support, to classes and libraries.

    One of the vital aims of universities and colleges is to cultivate students with advanced skills. To this end, advanced academic institutions need to give students resourceful libraries and well-equipped laboratories. For example, characterized by high-level scientific research and high-quality graduates, American universities are much attractive to many foreign students. Numerous applicants around the world are looking forward to getting opportunity to study there. With most foreign students across the world, American universities can get countless profits. Financing classes and libraries is valuable and beneficial.

    Besides, universities and colleges should give their students freedom to choose and further develop their areas. Too many expenditures on activities irrelevant in classes and research might mislead students. Nowadays, students are bearing heavy burden. With rich after-class activities, students might have more difficulties to spare their time and energy between taking classes, taking part in social activities and others. There even might create an atmosphere in which students concentrate less on their classes while more on social activities.

    Admittedly, sports and social activities are good complements to learning and researching for students. With these activities, students can enjoy campus life in more aspects. A student only taking class and doing research is often viewed as a nerd. However, what’s worse is that a university graduate is unqualified enough for his job. Obviously, we should not overstate the importance of sports and activities.

    In summary, universities and colleges should finance classes and libraries more to guarantee research quality and graduates’ employability.

     

    March 8, 2021 at 10:18 pm

    It is clear that sports and social activities are necessary in students’ life. So they [ , so young learners ]should emphasize these activities. However, overemphasizing them while overlooking classes and research could also result in detrimental outcomes. In my opinion, we should pay more attention, and give more financial support, to classes and libraries.

    One of the vital aims of universities and colleges is to cultivate[ instill ] students with advanced [ professional/employable ]skills. To this end, advanced academic institutions need to give [provide  ]students [with  ]resourceful libraries and well-equipped laboratories. (For example, characterized by high-level scientific research and high-quality graduates, American universities are much attractive to many foreign students. Numerous applicants around the world are looking forward to getting opportunity to study there. With most foreign students across the world, American universities can get countless profits. Financing classes and libraries is valuable and beneficial.)[ Irrelevant evidence to support the topic sentence. ]

    Besides, universities and colleges should[also  ] give their students freedom to choose and further develop their [specialized/interested  ]areas. [ missing transitory words ]Too [redundant  ]many expenditures on activities irrelevant in classes and research might mislead students. Nowadays, students are bearing heavy burden[ word form error ]. With [the selection of  ]rich after-class activities, students might have more difficulties (to spare)[grammatical error  ] their time and energy between taking classes, taking part in social activities and others. (There even might )[ unclear ]create an atmosphere in which students concentrate less on their classes while more on social activities.

    Admittedly, sports and social activities are good complements[ word form error ] to learning and researching for students. (With these activities)[ unclear ], students can enjoy campus life (in more aspects)[ unclear ]. A student only taking class and doing research is often viewed as a nerd. However, what’s worse is that a university graduate is unqualified enough[ redundant ] for his job[ unclear ]. Obviously, we should not overstate the importance of sports and activities.

    In summary, universities and colleges should finance classes and libraries more to guarantee research quality and graduates’ employability.

    March 8, 2021 at 10:34 pm

    Your essay still contains lots of issues. Apparently, you have come to a point where you find it very difficult to improve your writing skills. At this point, doing more writing exercise won’t help you much. Read and recite several The Economist articles to improve your language sense.