Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past.

  • Vivian-Lou
    University: HuaZhong University Of Science And Technology
    Nationality: China
    May 20, 2020 at 1:58 am

    Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past.

    It is hard to deny the fact that the rapid life has caused too much tension on modern people, and such fact may mislead the impressionable people to gengerate thre thought that individuals nowadays become increasingly unhappy. Such a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies, and it should be examined meticulously. As far as health and communication are concerned, I strongly insist that even though the world is changing quickly, in the meantime, we become more happy.

    First and foremost, our medical system improve a great deal in decades due to such quick alteration, as the medicine technology develop proportionally acording to this rate. Last century has witnessed the big progression in terns of doctors’ skills, the process of producing fine equipment and so on. And the main contributor is the ever-changing world. The knowledge is updated from time to time, and it is these knowledge that make up the most crucial ingredients to patient’s sound health. Therefore, people will feel joyful because they have access to a robust strengh. Furthermore, as time goes by, there are an increasing number of psychologists who come to stage. They facilitate us to elevate our self-esteem or go through our trauma, as a result, we are more willing to face our difficulties directly and become happier.

    In addition, the ongoing Internet era indicates that we can easily contact with the people who share the same interest like us. During the communciation, we find our love, so we can become more open-minded and thus we feel a luster for life.

    In conclusion, had it not been for the rapid chage of world, we would never be able to enjoy the advanced medical treatement or immerse into the colourful communication world. In other words, we become happier and satisfied towards this new world as it change rapidly.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 20, 2020 at 4:25 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 65% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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