It is better to spend your money on an object that will last a long time than it is to spend your money on an experience (such as a vacation, concert, etc.) that will last only a short time.
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July 7, 2019 at 12:49 pm
Essay Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to spend your money on an object that will last a long time than it is to spend your money on an experience (such as a vacation, concert, etc.) that will last only a short time. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Along with rapid economic development, people become wealthier than in the past, and they start to consider how to spend their money wisely. Some people claim that spending money on enjoying life is better, while others prefer to save money for the future in case of some emergency. As far as I’m concerned, I would like to spend money on having a vacation for the following reasons.
In the first place, spending money on vacation can enhance your relationship with your family. In this day and age, citizens in the metropolis are occupied with their job and have little time to take care of their children and parents. Also, students are busy with their assignment and devote themselves to improving their academic performance. Thus, the connection between family members becomes less closed. This serious phenomenon, however, can be avoided. On summer vacation, people can spend their money on going to foreign countries to visit some attractive landscapes. During the journey, these individuals who rarely communicate with their family members would have more chances to chat with each other. For example, they can share what they have experienced in recent months during dinner. Accordingly, spending money on vacation by no means wastes money. Instead, it contributes to the relationship between family members positively.
In the second place, spending money like visiting foreign countries could broaden our horizons. To be more specific, when we live in other countries, we could encounter people from different cultural background, learn about local religious custom and their moral belief. I have been to New York since last summer, and I visited the Statue of Liberty. The local guider told us the Statue of Liberty symbolized the freedom right of American citizens. From that moment, I knew that American attached great importance to freedom. In this fierce competition in society, having a little foreign knowledge helps you sell yourself to the employers in the interview, especially in international corporations. Compared with those who have little experience about outside the world, job-seekers who have exposure to the outside are more easily to win the trust and get the offer from their HR. Furthermore, once they get into the company, they also can identify new demand of customers from another country through specializing in their dietary habit, thereby creating some targeted product to those specific consumer group. And because of this, spending money like going on vacation is worthwhile.
Admittedly, others might be afraid that if we do not save money, what can we do when we suffer from some diseases? It is known to us that some grave diseases like cancer are prone to make people pay a huge amount of medical fees. Nonetheless, this circumstance could be prevented if we take precautions. We can purchase medical insurance, and national health care also provide some guarantee for patients. Besides, just like I have mentioned earlier, if we learn about foreign custom, we might receive more orders from our overseas clients, thus making more profits. And I believe these extra profits could compensate for saving money for the future.
In short, from what has been discussed above, we can safely conclude spending money enjoying life like vacation is better than saving money since such payment could not only improve the relationship among family members but also help you enlarge your knowledge range.
July 9, 2019 at 9:36 pmScore: 57.8
Suggestions for Improvement
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
- Restrict each paragraph within 85 words;
- Shorten the essay to 320 words.
Problems Highlight
Along with rapid economic development, people become wealthier than in the past, and they start to consider how to spend their money wisely. [Verbose]Some people claim that spending money on enjoying life is better, while others prefer to save money for the future in case of some emergency. As far as I’m concerned, [Reduncant]I would like to spend money on having a vacation for the following reasons.
In the first place, spending money on vacation can enhance your relationship with your family. In this day and age, citizens in the metropolis are occupied [Passive]with their job and have little time to take care of their children and parents. Also, students are busy with their assignment and devote themselves to improving their academic performance. [Verbose]Thus, the connection between family members becomes less closed. This serious phenomenon, however, can be avoided.[Passive] On summer vacation, people can spend their money on going to foreign countries to visit some attractive landscapes. During the journey, these individuals who rarely communicate with their family members would have more chances to chat with each other. [Verbose]For example, they can share what they have experienced in recent months during dinner. Accordingly, spending money on vacation by no means wastes money. Instead, it contributes to the relationship between family members positively.
In the second place, spending money like visiting foreign countries could broaden our horizons. To be more specific, when we live in other countries, we could encounter people from different cultural background, learn about local religious custom and their moral belief. [Verbose]I have been to New York since last summer, and I visited the Statue of Liberty. The local guider told us the Statue of Liberty symbolized the freedom right of American citizens. From that moment, I knew that American attached great importance to freedom. In this fierce competition in society, having a little foreign knowledge helps you sell yourself to the employers in the interview, especially in international corporations. [Verbose]Compared with those who have little experience about outside the world, job-seekers who have exposure to the outside are more easily to win the trust and get the offer from their HR. [Verbose]Furthermore, once they get into the company, they also can identify new demand of customers from another country through specializing in their dietary habit, thereby creating some targeted product to those specific consumer group. [Verbose] And because of this, spending money like going on vacation is worthwhile.
Admittedly, others might be afraid that if we do not save money, what can we do when we suffer from some diseases? It is known [Passive]to us that some grave diseases like cancer are prone to make people pay a huge amount of medical fees. Nonetheless, this circumstance could be prevented [Passive]if we take precautions. We can purchase medical insurance, and national health care also provide some guarantee for patients. Besides, just like I have mentioned earlier, if we learn about foreign custom, we might receive more orders from our overseas clients, thus making more profits.[Verbose] [Coordinating word/punctuation error]And I believe these extra profits could compensate for saving money for the future.
In short, from what has been discussed[Passive] above, we can safely conclude spending money enjoying life like vacation is better than saving money since such payment could not only improve the relationship among family members but also help you enlarge your knowledge range.[Verbose]
Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones, particularly numerous grammatical/syntactic/factual/logical problems. Please revise and resubmit your essay and I will work on your essay from there. Regards.
July 10, 2019 at 5:08 amNowadays, a growing number of individuals have been aware of the significance of financial management. Some claim that it is imperative for us to save money for the future in case of inevitable emergency. On the contrary, in my view, spending money on having a vacation is superior to saving money for the following reasons.
First, spending money on vacation reinforces the family bonds. Currently, citizens in the metropolis occupy themselves with their jobs and have little time to take care of their children and parents. Thus, the connection between family members becomes less closed. Fortunately, a simple family trip helps to cope with this embarrassing situation. On summer vacation, people can visit some popular resorts. Travel, as a bridge, connects family members closely. For example, we can share happiness or misery with others. And relatives probably could offer me a solution to get rid of the terrible feeling. Accordingly, spending money on vacation is by no means worthless. Instead, it contributes to the relationship among family members positively.
Second, spending money like visiting foreign countries could broaden our horizons. To be more specific, when we live in other countries, we could have access to diverse cultures, such as local customs, dietary habit, and so on. My world journey is a case in point. After traveling across the world, I knew people from different country having their own preference for delicacy. For instance, Chinese like rice, American like hamburger and Japanese like sushi. This basic knowledge contributes us to brighter career future potentially. Suppose I were a manager of an international catering company. Mastering other country staples help me design different types of the restaurant according to the country, which allows my company to thrive in this fierce competition in the market. And because of this, I could get promotion potentially.
Admittedly, others might be afraid that if we do not save money, what can we do when we suffer from some diseases? It is known to us that some grave diseases like cancer are prone to making people pay a considerable amount of medical fees. Nonetheless, there are some effective precautions against fees. We can purchase medical insurance, and national health care also provide some guarantee for patients. Besides, just like I have mentioned earlier, if we learn about foreign dietary habits, we might receive more orders from our overseas clients, thereby making more profits. And I believe these extra profits could compensate for the fees caused by inevitable accident.
In short, from what has been discussed above, we can safely conclude the benefits of spending money enjoying life outweighs saving money.July 10, 2019 at 8:35 pmScore: 55.7
You need to reduce your essay to 320 words and shorten sentences exceeding 20 words. Subsequently, I will work on your essay.
Regards
