TOP 44 – Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing TOP 44 – Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports.

  • nkxiaoxin
    University: NanKai University
    Nationality: China
    May 6, 2019 at 3:18 am

    A busy father uses his limited time to do surfing as a fun sport in order to make the full use of time.

     

    TOPIC: Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolwork, which of the two approaches do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    As we all know, the company of parents is very important for one’s growth in forming the personality and developing skills, while some hard-working parents have to leave limited time for their children. Thus, these parents are particularly concerned about how should they spend these valuable time. Some people think they need to guide their children’s schoolwork due to the high demand of talent today. As far as I’m concerned, spending the time on schoolwork together is less efficient and parents should focus on having fun playing games or sports with their children.

    The key point parents need to clarify is the purpose of spending time with children. And in my opinion, it’s to ensure kids’ physical and mental health, which make them live independently.

    Obviously, spending too much time on studying is the violation of that principle. Facing the increasing pressure at school, children are already having a lot of burdens, both physically and mentally. If parents ask them to continue studying after school, children are easily resistant to learning. Moreover, the longer you spend doing the same thing, the less productive you will be. For example, if students have just finished reciting some ancient poetries at school, they will be unable to and reluctant to memorize other conceptions as their brain need time and energy to restore the old knowledge. So it’s wise to let children change their mind at home by doing something else.

    In addition, playing sports is one of the best ways for parents to spend time with their children. Sports can help kids gain experience about teamwork and competition, which is hard to get at school. For example, my parents often took me to play table tennis when I was young which motivated me to take part in some contests. And I learned how to cooperate with my teammates and how to keep the best condition when facing the rivals. On the other hand, spending time with children by doing sports is conducive to maintain the relationship between families. As they have fun together , they will leave a good impression on each other easily.

    Admittedly, parents can help a lot in their children’s study because they have learned many things before. And I firmly agree parents should provide some assistance. But it doesn’t mean they have to spend most of their spare time on that. In my opinion, parents’ obligation is to teach their children the learning method, correct their thinking process, but not to teach them too much specific knowledge. In that way, parents don’t need to much time. And children can truly live independently as well as won’t be bounded by stereotypes.

    In a nutshell, parents need to have fun playing sports during the limited time with their children.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 6, 2019 at 8:41 pm

    Score: 71.5

    Suggestions for Improvement

    1. Shorten your essay to 320 words.

    Rewrite and resubmit your essay.

    Problems Highlight

    As we all know, the company of parents is very important [Verbose and Vague] for one’s growth in forming the personality and developing skills, while some hard-working parents have to leave limited time for their children. [Verbose, hard-to-read sentence]. Thus, these parents are particularly concerned about how should they spend these valuable [Grammatical Error]time. Some people think they need to guide their children’s schoolwork due to the high demand of [Preposition Error]talent today. As far as I’m concerned,[Verbose] spending the time on schoolwork together is less efficient and parents should focus on having fun playing games or sports with their children. [Verbose, hard-to-read sentence].

    The key point parents need to clarify is the purpose of spending time with children. And in my opinion, it’s to ensure kids’ physical and mental health, which make them live independently.

    Obviously, spending too much time on studying is the violation of that principle. Facing the increasing pressure at school, children are already having a lot of burdens, both physically and mentally. [Problematic or Unnecessary Adverb]. If parents ask them to continue studying after school, children are easily [Problematic or Unnecessary Adverb]. resistant to learning. Moreover, the longer you spend doing the same thing, the less productive you will be. For example, if students have just[Problematic or Unnecessary Adverb] finished reciting some ancient poetries at school, they will be unable to and reluctant to memorize other conceptions as their brain need time and energy to restore the old knowledge. [Verbose, hard-to-read sentence].So it’s wise to let children change their mind at home by doing something else.

    In addition, playing sports is one of the best ways for parents to spend time with their children. Sports can help kids gain experience about [Preposition Error] teamwork and competition, which is hard to get at school. For example, my parents often took me to play table tennis when I was young which motivated me to take part in some contests. And I learned how to cooperate with my teammates and how to keep the best condition when facing the rivals. On the other hand, spending time with children by doing sports is conducive to maintain the relationship between families. As they have fun together , [Spacing/punctuation Error]they will leave a good impression on each other easily.[Problematic or Unnecessary Adverb]

    Admittedly, parents can help a lot in their children’s study because they have learned many things before. And I firmly [Problematic or Unnecessary Adverb]agree parents should provide some assistance. But it doesn’t mean they have to spend most of their spare time on that. In my opinion[Repetition], parents’ obligation is to [Verbose]teach their children the learning method, correct their thinking process, but not to teach them too much specific knowledge. [Verbose, hard-to-read sentence]. In that way, parents don’t need to much time. And children can truly[Problematic or Unnecessary Adverb] live independently[Repetition] as well as won’t be bounded by [Passive Voice]stereotypes.

    In a nutshell, parents need to have fun playing sports during the limited time with their children.

    nkxiaoxin
    University: NanKai University
    Nationality: China
    May 8, 2019 at 2:02 am

    Due to the fierce competition today, busy parents can’t have enough time to company their children. Some people think they’d better guide their children’s schoolwork when they are together. However, I believe parents should have fun playing games or sports with their children.

    The key point parents need to clarify is the purpose of spending time with children. And in my opinion, it’s to ensure kids’ physical and mental health, which make them live independently.
    Obviously, studying together violates that principle. Facing the increasing pressure at school, children are already having a lot of burdens. If parents ask them to continue studying at home, children will be resistant to learning. For example, if students have recited some poetries at school, they will be reluctant to memorize other conceptions. That’s because their brain need time and energy to restore the old knowledge. So it’s wise to change children’s mind by doing sports.

    In addition, exercise is excellent for children’s growth. Sports can help kids gain experience of teamwork and competition, which is hard to get at school. For example, my parents often took me to play table tennis when I was young. It motivated me to participate in some contests. During those games, I learned how to cooperate with teammates and keep the best condition to face my rivals. On the other hand, sports is conducive to maintain the relationship between families. As they have fun together, they leave a good impression on each other.

    Admittedly, parents can help a lot in children’s study because they have learned those before. I do agree parents should provide some assistance. But it doesn’t mean they have to spend many time. Parents’ obligation is to teach methods, not specific knowledge. And teaching methods do not require too much time. Only in that way, can children learn by themselves.

    In a nutshell, parents should play sports with their children during the leisure time.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 8, 2019 at 3:18 am

    Score: 73.8 (Excellent!)

    I will get back to you soon.

    Regards,

    Lin Qiu

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 8, 2019 at 4:19 am

    Here is your Final edit.

    https://writersforme.com/nkxiaoxin-toefl-essay-20190506/

    Regards,

    Lin Qiu