Some people think that schools have not yet done enough to teach young people how to look after their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that schools have not yet done enough to teach young people how to look after their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • lichunchuan
    University: Hull
    Nationality: china
    January 17, 2020 at 8:37 am

    Some people think that schools have not yet done enough to teach young people how to look after their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    Nowadays, many people have been doing some research in students’ health in school. Some people argue that students are not imparted by school about security education. To state my opinion, students in most of schools especially in urban area receive a basic health education.

    As students get access to school as fresh people, they are exposed to make a connect with classmates from different backgrounds. Nevertheless, there are some bullies in school sometimes to make them hand over protect fees otherwise they would be beaten. Therefore,school have been teaching them how to defend the bullies or directly give a feedback to teachers. Those problems can be solved by schools if they impart information to students. Students also suffer from food health problems. Some students are rather order deliveries while they catch a bad taste in school,which would increase the rate of illness in school. Most of schools have told students about the negative impacts from deliveries. Therefore, students are freed in food resource problems when they receive a education from school. As far as I know, most of schools would hold a fire drill once a month in order to increase the students’ awareness.

    In conclusion, As I told before, I disgaree the point of view that schools have not yet done enough to teach young people how to look after their health. Most of school have some additional classes to teach students how to solve problems such as school bullies, school fire, food resource, which would enable them to be aware of security.

    January 17, 2020 at 5:04 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. More than 30% of the sentences contain 20+ words. Shorten/split them.
    2. More than 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.