Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.
TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. › GRE Writing › Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.
-
Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.
In my opinion, I would have an inclination to stand the first view that students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. I think the first view could compliance with my own experience about my choice of a field of study.
To be honest, I didn’t have any interests or good at until the period of the college. In the first year of the college, I majored in the Chemistry and Material Engineering which selected based on my entering-college score. However, I transferred to the major Computer Science in the next year because of my proclivity and imagination about the future. I realized that I didn’t want to study about the Chemistry or Physical relevantly and do alike work in the future. Making decision to transfer the major is such a milestone for me that made me find out what I’m really interest in and want to study passionally.
With the example as above I mentioned, I think the most important thing is following my own heart to make the decision and do what I want. Without the passion, it is really hard to do anything and do well, even though the job in the future has high paid. I think doing what I want could foster me to be better and better, and being a top or a better person could take me to the target I want. To speak of the availability of jobs in our field of study, even though the availability of the job in our field of study is paucity, be a person who can’t be supplanted by any else could solve this problem.
This is why I stand for the first view.
Score: ungraded
Issues:
- About 75% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
In my opinion, I would be more likely to stand the first view that students should consider only their talents and interests when choosing a field of study. I think the first view could compliance with my own experience about my choice of major .
To be honest, I didn’t have any interests or good at before entering the college. In the first year of college, I majored in Chemistry and Material Engineering, which is selected based on my entering-college score. However, I transferred to Computer Science in the next year because of my preference and imagination about the future. I realized that I didn’t want to study on Chemistry or Physical relevantly or do similar work in the future. Making the decision to transfer the subject is such a milestone for me. Which inspired me to find out what I’m truly interested in and want to put passion into.
With the example as above I mentioned, I think the most important thing is following my own heart to make the decision and pursue what I want. Without the passion, it is really hard to do anything and do well, even though there is a high-paid job. I think doing what I want could foster me to be better and better, and being a top or a better person could take me to the target I want. Furthermore, even though there is a paucity of the availability of the job in our field of study, be a person who can’t be supplanted by any else could twist this dilemma.
This is why I stand for the first view.
Score: ungraded
Issues:
- About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
- About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing )
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
In my opinion,I wouldbe more likely to[ BE AFFIRMATIVE ]stand [with ] the first view that students should consider only their talents and interests when choosing a field of study. (I think)[ consecutive sentences starting with the same word I ]the first[ this ]viewcould compliance[ aligns optimally/perfectly ]with my own experience about[ wrong preposition ]my[ redundant ]choice of major .[ spacing error/wordy ]To be honest, I didn’t have any interests or good at before entering the college. In the first year of college, I majored in Chemistry and Material Engineering, which is selected based on my entering-college score. However, I transferred to Computer Science in the next year because of my preference and imagination about the future. I realized that I didn’t want to study on Chemistry or Physical relevantly or do similar work in the future. Making the decision to transfer the subject is such a milestone for me. Which inspired me to find out what I’m truly interested in and want to put passion into.
With the example as above I mentioned, I think the most important thing is following my own heart to make the decision and pursue what I want. Without the passion, it is really hard to do anything and do well, even though there is a high-paid job. I think doing what I want could foster me to be better and better, and being a top or a better person could take me to the target I want. Furthermore, even though there is a paucity of the availability of the job in our field of study, be a person who can’t be supplanted by any else could twist this dilemma.
This is why I stand for the first view.
Partial revision. [complete the revision and resolve all issues mentioned in the feedback.]
I would be affirmative to stand with the first view that students should consider only their talents and interests when choosing a field of study. This view aligns optimally with my own experience in choice of major.
I didn’t have any interests or specific skills before entering the college. In the first year of college, Majoring in Chemistry and Material Engineering doesn’t trigger me a lot. The major which is selected based on my entering-college score. In the next year, I transferred to Computer Science because of my preference and imagination about the future. This movement made me realize that I didn’t want to study on Chemistry or Physical relevantly or do similar work in the future. The decision I made is such a milestone for me. The one which inspired me to find out what I’m truly interested in and want to put passion into.
In the conclusion, I think the most important thing is following my own heart to make the decision and pursue what I want. In addition, doing what I want could engender lots of passions, which could foster me to be a better and better person. Without passions, even though there is a high-paid job, it is really hard to do anything and do well. Furthermore, even though there are few available jobs in our field of study, I think be a person who can’t be supplanted by any else could twist this dilemma.
This is why I stand for the first view.
I would be affirmative to stand with the
firstview that students should consider only their talents and interests when choosing a field of study. This view aligns optimally with myownexperience in [article error ] choice of major.I didn’t have any interests or specific skills before entering[/matriculating in ] the[article error ] college. In[/during ] the first year of college [studies ], Majoring[spelling error/coherence issue with the prior clause ] in Chemistry and Material Engineering doesn’t[ tense error ] (trigger me a lot)[ unclear ]. The major
(which is)[ I ] selected [therefore ]based on myentering-college[university-entrance ] score. In the next year, I transferred to Computer Science because of my preference and (imagination about the future)[unclear ]. This movement[ /transition ] made me realize that I didn’t want to studyonChemistry orPhysical[ Physics ] relevantly[ wrong word ] or do similar work in the future. The [ milestone ]decisionI made is such a milestone for me. The one which inspired[ helped ]me to find out what I’m[tense error ] truly interested in and [ what I wanted ]wantto put passion into.In the [article error ]conclusion, I think the most important thing[in terms of choosing an academic path ] is
following[ to follow ] myownheartto make the decisionand [then ]pursue what I want. In addition, doing what I want could engender lots of passions, which couldfoster me to be[ shape me into ]a betterand betterperson. Without passions[ word form error ], even though there is a high-paid job, it is really hard to do anythingand dowell. Furthermore, even though there are few available jobs in our field of study, (I think be a person who can’t be supplanted by any else could twist this dilemma.)[unclear ]This is why I stand for the first view.
I would be affirmative to stand with the view that students should consider only their talents and interests when choosing a field of study. This view aligns optimally with my experience of choosing the major.
I didn’t have any interests or specific skills before matriculating in college. Therefore, during the first year of college studies, majoring in Chemistry and Material Engineering did not trigger me a lot of passions in this major. The major I selected based on my university-entrance score. In the next year, I transferred to Computer Science because of my preference and imagination about the future; the one I prefigured that I would own a job which I will be satisfied with and beloved to do. This transition made me realize that I didn’t want to study Chemistry or Physics continually or do similar work in the future. The milestone decision helped me to find out what I was truly interested in and what I wanted to put passion into.
In conclusion, I think the most important thing in terms of choosing an academic path is to follow my heart to make the decision and then pursue what I want. In addition, doing what I want could engender lots of passions, which could shape me into a better person. If I have no passions, even though there is a high-paid job, it is difficult to do anything well. Furthermore, even though there are few available jobs in our field of study, I think be a person who can’t be supplanted by any else could twist this dilemma, the paucity of unoccupied works.
This is why I stand for the first view.
I
would be affirmative to stand with[ strongly support ]the view that students should consider only their talents and interests when choosing a field of study. [ In fact, this ]Thisview aligns optimally with my experience of choosing the major. [draws on more evidence, in addition to your personal experience, to support your thesis. ]I (didn’t have any interests or specific skills)[avoid using not ] before matriculating in college. Therefore, during the first year of college studies, majoring[needless shift of subject ] in Chemistry and Material Engineering (did not)[avoid using not ] trigger me (a lot of)[ informal ] passions[word form error ] in[wrong preposition ] this major.
The major[ In other words, ]I selected[ I was assigned to this major ] based on my university-entrance score [rather than my personal interest ]. In thenext[following ]year, I transferred to Computer Science because of my preference (and imagination about the future)[unclear ]; (the one I prefigured that I would own a job which I will be satisfied with and beloved to do.)[unclear ] This transition made me realize that I didn’t want to [continue ]studyChemistry or Physicscontinually[studies ] or do similar work in the future.The[ This ] milestone [/critical ]decision helped me tofind out what I was truly interested in[ identify my genuine interest ]and what I wanted to put passion into.In conclusion,Ithink[ therefore believe that ] the most important thing interms ofchoosingan[my ] academic path is to follow my heart[ , ]tomake the[a self-interested ]decision[ , ] and then pursue what I want. In addition, doing what I want could [ also ]engender( lots of passions, which could shape me into a better person)[ unclear ]. If I have[grammatical error ] no passions[word form error ], even though there is a high-paid job, it is[ grammatical error ] difficult to do anything well. Furthermore, (even though )[ repetition ]there are few available jobs in our field of study, (I think be a person who can’t be supplanted by any else could twist this dilemma, the paucity of unoccupied works.)[ unclear ] [make a shorter conclusion paragraph. Don’t introduce new details to the conclusion paragraph. ]This is why I stand for the first view.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.