Consumers are faced with an increasing number of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think are consumers influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them?

Score: 54

Issues:

1. About 50 of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Score: 58.9

Issues:

1. More than 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Score: 62.2

It is the fact that a vast number of adverts appear in our modern market[  unclear word]. I would argue that the trend has a negative development for our society, and governments, as well as audiences, should take steps to address this issue.

One of the adverse impacts on consumers is commercials will manipulate them[unclear pronoun/impacts or consumers?  ]. First of all, intensive adverts with brand images always use glamorous celebrities to promote products. Hence, people always be encouraged[ passive ] to follow the latest trend by spending more money. In this way, it[ unclear pronoun ] leads to excessive consumption. Secondly, commercials aimed at children without critical thinking [ unclear/commercials?children? businesses? ]will lead into [ incorrect preposition ]misbehaviors. Fast foods, for example, exaggerate their[ logical confusion ] yummy taste and ignore the risk to health[ unclear ]. [lack connection  ]Children are more likely to copy this misbehaviors[ word form ] and be prone [ unparalleled comparison/copy-be prone ]to health issues like obesity or diabetes.

Advertisements do need some forms of regulation[logical confusion  ]. [ lack connection ] Governments ought to censor commercials with false information[ unclear ] or products that are harmful[wordy  ]. Also, some target young audiences should be even banned[ confused ]. Meanwhile, unhealthy goods like[ informal ] cigarettes and alcohol should display [ logical confusion ]warnings on their [ logical confusion ]packets. However, not only do governments make regulations but also people need to take steps[logical incompleteness  ]. Consumers ought to use their common sense when they go to the shops and ask themselves whether they really need to make that purchase.

In sum, various measures can tackle the problems that are certain to arise as the increasing number of adverts appear in the market.

Score: 57.7

Final Revision

It is the fact that a vast number of adverts appear in our daily lives. I would argue that the/this trend has a negative[ absolute statement/use conditional statement instead] could impede/hinder societal advancement. development for our society, and As such, both governments, as well as audiences,  and average consumers should take steps actions to address this issue.

One of the adverse impacts is that commercials will[absolute statement/could ] manipulate/mislead consumers. For instance First of all, intensive adverts with brand images always[absolute statement/often ] use glamorous celebrities to promote the products.  As loyal fans, consumers often spend excessively to buy unnecessary goods. Hence, people always be encouraged to follow the latest trend by spending more money, which leads to excessive consumption. Secondly, commercials aimed at children will lead could lead children to misbehaviors. Because young people many kids lack of critical thinking, they are unable to distinguish between true and false information.

[Some fast foods restaurants, for example, tend to exaggerate the yummy taste of the food they sell and ignore while covering the risk to body health its potential risks to younger consumers. Long exposure to the food this information, children are more likely is likely to result in pediatric issues such as obesity and diabetes. copy this misbehavior and be prone [ unparalleled comparison/copy-be prone ](I don’t understand this mark)to health issues like obesity or diabetes.][This part could be removed ]

In light of issues and risks noted above, Facing these negative impacts, we should regulate advertisements to protect consumers. Clearly,I think that governments ought to censor certain commercials for unhealthy products such as cigarettes and alcohol. An effective measure I recommend is to  This kind of products should display warnings on their packets. However, Since governments do not have lack the power to completely control the adverts,. This means consumers ought to use their common sense when they go to the shops and ask themselves whether they really need to make that purchase during their decision-making process in shopping.

In sum, I am of the opinion that various/collective/combinational measures can be implemented to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as the increasing number of adverts appear in the market. control commercial ads.