Consumption of the world’ s resources (such as oil, fresh air. Etc.)is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes of this increased consumption? What can people do to reduce it?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Consumption of the world’ s resources (such as oil, fresh air. Etc.)is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes of this increased consumption? What can people do to reduce it?

  • to_be_Jelly
    University: UCL
    Nationality: China
    January 6, 2021 at 3:45 am

    Consumption of the world’ s resources (such as oil, fresh air. Etc.)is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes of this increased consumption? What can people do to reduce it?

    The fact that the consumption of a variety of worldwide resources has been dramatically increasing .There are could be several reasons for this, and I consider governments  and individuals should do efforts together to mitigate this phenomenon.

    Better living conditions are a factor that accelerates the exhaustion of valuable treasure, such as oil, air and so on. There is no doubt that there would be an increasing number of people who tend to own private cars, which means those people largely depend on their cars, instead of buses, subways, when travelling to work or study. Due to this, a great deal of oil is substantialy used without any containment, and it also taints the fresh air by carbon dioxide of these cars on the road.

    There is no denying that this phenomenon also technologically attributes development, which means many corporations manufacture labor-saving and convenient devices.Nowadays, many advanced equipments have been applied widespreadly, such as air conditioners and heaters, however, which means mass use of electricity, followed by а range of disadvantages, including the emission of greenhouse gas, and damaging the ozone layer.

    It is absolutely essential to reverse the irrational misuse of valuable resources, therefore,over-consumption of resources could be alleviated by spontaneous commitment of both governments and individuals. For governments, increasing the price of fuel could discourage people from using private cars, which may directly cut the emission of carbon dioxide and protect air pollution. With regard to the latter, due to people unconsciousness, true value of resources should be irrigated into citizens minds. used to cultivate and nourish citizen’s minds. Only in this way, many people could see these as precious resources with reasonable use.

    In conclusion, various ways can be taken to tackle the over-consumption problems caused by diverse reasons.

     

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 10, 2021 at 3:21 pm

    Score: 35

    Issues:

    1. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 40% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.