Do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

  • Jncjmt
    University: Southwest University
    Nationality: Chinese
    November 16, 2019 at 5:34 pm

    IELTS Task 2: Do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

    Video games are always seen as a heated controversial issue since it has been introduced to the public. And I believe that the benefits that it provides are much more significant than its shortcuts when the right way of usage is adapted.

    First of all, it’s the most popular way of recreation. People of all age groups are facing pressures in modern society and video games are no doubt the most effective way of relieving stress and revitalizing. Take visual reality as an example, all games that utilize this technology bring users into another world to fulfill their fantasies and they are therefore enable to forget the reality for a short while. However, playing time and types of games should be limited on a age basis to protect certain groups from being inveterate and thus to ensure the health. For example, teenagers are encouraged to play games within one hour per day to promote a healthy eye sight. Furthermore, genres of games concerning porn and violence are considered to be banned from juveniles in order to build a mentally healthy personality.

    Secondly, video games can also be creative tools in educational field. For instance,  games are frequently used in elementary schools for teaching and memorizing new contents in various ways. As a result of heterogeneous forms that games offer, students are prone to learn more intently and therefore it boosts participation and learning efficiency. Nevertheless, video games in education shouldn’t be deemed as a treat or reward. To realize the harmony in classrooms , teachers are obligatory to introduce the meaning of video games correctly which isn’t a stimuli but a tool to promote assimilating knowledge.

    In conclusion, the advantages of video games override the drawbacks as long as they are utilized appropriately.

    November 20, 2019 at 4:32 am

    Score: 54.6

    Issues:

    1. More than half of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts.
    2. More than half of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten or split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific errors/problems.

    November 20, 2019 at 4:36 am

    Sorry, you didn’t add my WeChat account, so I was unable to send you the screenshots.