Do you agree or disagree? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.

Score: ungraded

Issues:

1. Preposition errors
2. Verb form errors
3. Article errors
4. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

In modern society, many advanced technologies (have influenced) [/influence   ] children in many aspects of life. Admittedly, some inventions have reduced children’s outdoor time, and may[ grammatical error  ] cause damage to their[ unclear pronoun  ] creativity. Nevertheless, some [ repetition  ]technologies can promote children’s creativity. Thus, I believe that modern technology makes children become [ redundant  ]more creative than before.

Firstly, modern inventions, such as personal computers and cell phones, (are so beneficial to the development of children because they can motivate children’s own interests at an early age)[ redundant/verbose/grammatical errors – rephrase  ]. Children probably fall in love with natural science after watching some scientific videos[coherence issue: improve coherence by making a sentence subject echoes the subject/object of the last sentence  ]. As we know[  redundant ], one’s interest is the best teacher[ lacking explanation  ]. Because of (these interests)[ new information introduced without introduction  ], children become more enthusiastic and creative to acquire knowledge and explore the truth. (For example, my brother, Tom, loved to watch some animation during his childhood)[ verbose  ]. So[punctuation error concerning coordinating conjunction   ], he studied some[ redundant  ] animation technology by himself. Now[ redundant  ], he is[ dull BE verb  ] an outstanding director, [  punctuation error ]who has created[ /produced  ] some[ redundant  ] famous[ wrong word – Famous fails to link to technology/innovation  ] animation movies. Thus[ use a different transitory word to improve coherence  ], modern inventions can [help to   ]develop [ /foster  ]children’ own[redundant   ] interests[ interest {learn when to use singular/plural noun forms} ] as early as possible, [ grammatical/punctuation error  ]and improve their creativity within[ wrong preposition  ] this process.

Secondly, advanced technologies can provide abundant resources[unclear  ]. For a girl who loves reading, a personal computer brings her a more[ lack of comparison ] convenient approach( to the newest novels and opportunities of contacting with other writers)[  unclear]. Without that[unclear pronoun  ], these precious resources would be inaccessible. For instance, my [ My ]sister, Anna, who enjoyed reading when she was only[unnecessary adverb  ] five years old. Since she lived in a remote village without any public library or bookstore, reading[subject coherence issue  ] many books were impossible for her. Fortunately, her[ my ] father bought an old computer (with an affordable costing)[replace with one word  ]. After that, she can [ tense error ](spend more time reading electronic books on the screen)[ rephrase/simplify ]. At present, she[ She/lacking coherence from the last sentence ] is a fiction writer. Depending on (those valuable resources provided by modern technology)[ verbose ], children[ subject coherence issue ] have more chances to pursue their dreams.

Finally, technology supplies children with abundant useful tools. By using [Using  ]these tools[ repetition/redundant ], like professional music softwares [ word form error ]and programming languages, children can compose an[article error  ] electronic music[ unclear ],[ grammatical error ] and manufacture[wrong word  ] a special robot. These tools, which only existed[ tense error ] at university laboratories, can be easily accessed[passive  ] in daily life, even for a child. Therefore, it[subject coherence issue/unclear pronoun  ] is more[lack of comparison  ] convenient for children to exert their creativity to create some[redundant  ] interesting artifacts.