Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

  • gnehcuyz
    University: High School
    Nationality: China
    October 31, 2020 at 2:15 am

    Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

    In response to the issue at hand, whether movies and television are more likely to bring harmful influence to young people , some people may argue that young people can learn how to behave themselves from movies and television, but others may prefer to the opposite idea.From my perspective I would probably follow the latter opinion.

    Firstly, in order to win more audiences, many movies and television include harmful information such as violence.Plenty of movies make some scenes that teenagers do not behave well in the school.They fight with others in the school, show little respect to their teachers, and even they take drugs after classes.A great deal of young people, who have not got much attention from others, would like to imitate those bad behaviors to attract the attention of others.It is acceptable to simulate from movies and television without hurting anyone.But often these bad behaviors can bring harm.  A true example around me is that my classmate hit by the car because he did not observe the traffic rules.When he crossed the road, he jumped over the fence instead of passing through the intersection, which he learned from a movie about gangsters.

    Second,  in order to make the plot of the movie more complete and other reasons, a large number of movies and television include fake and misleading conclusions.Young people with little ability to distinguish right from wrong can easily be misled by such false information.The protagonists of some film and television works are naturally smart but have miserable lives. Many young people will think that since the protagonists are so smart, their lives are not satisfactory. No matter how hard the young people who don’t have the talent, it’s useless.Having such thoughts for a long time will make young people lazy and unwilling to work hard.However, many people have changed their destiny through their own efforts

    All in all,there is little doubt that more and more people will come to realize that movies and television are rather harmful and useless than helpful.

    November 2, 2020 at 9:07 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Spacing errors, always have one space after a period or comma

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