Do you agree that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Do you agree that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave

  • MaxZhang
    University: ECUPL
    Nationality: chinese
    November 2, 2020 at 3:43 pm

    Do you agree that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave?

    First and foremost, it’s the way we use them that really determines and a great number of schools are using them to transmit knowledge in class. As far as i am concerned, whatever take place in our society are not naturally harmful. Taking arms, such as knife and shotgun, as an example, they can level up our security when we sleep outside during hiking, and more meaningful, to defend our country. In contrast, they are also a must for a robbery and an outrage. As for the lectures, some contents of the subjects in school have to delivered by films. It’s obviously that students majoring in acting need to watch the videos of famous and pronounced performance under the guide of teachers. Other subjects such as literature or history enhanced the efficiency and quality of the teaching process by way of visualizing those happened in the textbook. Hence, in the fields beneficial to our youngsters, the visualization media benefits.

    Additionally, movies and media have already become the inevitable part of our life. Amusing activities are necessary during the childhood which existed in many kinds of forms, maybe sports more being more popular in the past but watching TV today. Worries that the young tend to be addicted to the entertainments which gradually leads to failures in study is the mainstream point that TV unfavorable damage to their actions. Nevertheless, the addiction happened before the invention of filming and camera, which implies that it is the natural characteristic rather than the media that drives pupils to be curious about amusements. When i was a middle school student, it enjoyed playing games with friends in the yard and the games meant nothing to me. If the old games have not been abandoned, the films and TV operas aimed at teaching young people’s knowledge would not be given up in the future. The meaningless games in the past which in my opinion shared the same essence with films and TV cannot be a reasonable excuse.

     

    November 2, 2020 at 10:46 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 65% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.