Do you think that one needs to take risk to finally reach success, or to keep cautious and careful and take risk less?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Do you think that one needs to take risk to finally reach success, or to keep cautious and careful and take risk less?

  • 906158074
    University: Nanjing Normal University
    Nationality: China
    May 24, 2021 at 1:21 pm

    Do you think that one needs to take risk to finally reach success, or to keep cautious and careful and take risk less?

    Recently, many parents persuade their young children to take less risk since they already live a comfortable life, and do not want their children be risky even they could have more chance to be more successful in the future. However, I firmly believe that the youngsters still should take the risk to achieve success.

    First and foremost, it is impossible to make awesome achievements without taking risks and challenges. As the saying goes, everyone has different adventures in their lives. If you just follow the safety paths as others did, you will neither get your own goals nor reach your destination. For example, my cousin dropped out of school when he was twenty because he found a fantastic start-up business idea. Then, he left the university to run his business even if people around him thought it was risky and irrational. On the contrary, his company has grown bigger and became successful, and he has also got offer of an MBA program in a top university. If he had not dared to set up his business as soon as possible, he would have lost the perfect timing and never made the achievement he had.

    What’s more, our society keeps changing quickly, so there is no unchangeable way to be cautious and careful forever. However, if you are open to risk and keep adjusting yourself, things won’t be too difficult. At the end, you will get success because you are following up with the world’s trend. For instance, my sister didn’t accept his mother’s opinion that a girl should major in education as most girls did, but became a teacher majoring in computer science. She kept learning the updated programming skills and has become an excellent programmer. Therefore, her story tells us that jumping out of the comfort zone and taking risks is a real path to your destination.

    All in all, my experience and the examples I wrote let me firmly believe that a person should take much risk to finally success. That is because nobody achieves success without challenges and no one could always play safely.

     

    May 25, 2021 at 3:15 am

     

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    906158074
    University: Nanjing Normal University
    Nationality: China
    May 29, 2021 at 1:09 pm

    Recently many parents persuade their young children to take less risk since they already live a comfortable life. Most parents do not want their children to take risks, even though their children could have more chances to succeed in the future. However, I firmly believe that youngsters should take risks to achieve success.

    First and foremost, it is impossible to make outstanding achievements without taking risks and challenges. As the saying goes, everyone has distinct adventures in their lives. If you only follow the safety paths as others did, you will neither get your own goals nor reach your destination. For example, my nephew dropped out of school when he was eighteen because he got a brilliant start-up business idea. Then, he dropped out of the university to run his own business even if people around him thought it was risky and irrational. Fortunately, his company has grown bigger and became successful, and he has also got an offer of an MBA program in a prestigious university. If he had not set up his business as soon as possible, he would have lost the perfect timing and never made the success that he has now.

    In addition, our society keeps changing fast, so there is no unchangeable way to be cautious and careful forever. If you are open to risk and keep adjusting yourself, things won’t be too difficult. In the end, you will get success because you are following up with the world’s trend. For instance, my sister didn’t accept his mother’s opinion that a girl should major in education as most girls did, but majored in computer science. She keeps learning the updated programming skills and has become an excellent programmer. Now, her mother is surprised by her achievement. Her story tells us that jumping out of the comfort zone and taking risks is a path to your destination.

    In a nutshell, my experience and the examples I wrote let me firmly believe that a person should take more risks for finally success. That is because nobody achieves success without challenges, and no one could always play safely.

    May 31, 2021 at 3:50 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Extensive grammatical errors;
    4. Lots of factual errors. Learn conditional writing vs zero-conditional writing.
    May 31, 2021 at 3:57 pm

    Partial Revision

    Recently many parents persuade [ grammatical error-recently  ] their young children to take less risk [ confusion  ] since they[ unclear pronoun  ] already live a comfortable life. Most parents do not want their children to take risks[ factual error  ] ,[ punctuation error  ] even though their children could have more chances to succeed in the future. However, I firmly believe that youngsters should take risks to achieve success.