Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web sites.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web sites.

  • mti075
    University: TJU
    Nationality: China
    November 21, 2020 at 9:16 am

    Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Web sites

    With the rapid development of the society, mobile phone, a signature of wealthy man in the past, now becomes life necessity. People tend to spend a lot of time on the cell phone and the internet. Some people worries that it is more difficult to teach children cause they use lots of time on such electronic device. In my perspective, I disagree with that opinion for the following reasons.
    First, children can use the cell phones to get the information more convenient. In the time period that people can’t get access to the Internet, the only information sources for children are their parents or teachers and their text books. However, children now have more choices to get useful information. They can use their cell phone to search for the math formula, or to visit the online library. The only implement they need is a cell phone connected with the Internet. Such convenience can help children save a lot of time to do some other things they like.
    Second, playing online games and social networking moderately can help children release their stress and enhance the relationships with their friends. Children must be tired after finishing the heavy school work, and the online games and social networking are good ways to help them get rid of stress. They may play with their friends online, or just talk with their friends about daily experience. Such activities will make children relax and bring them happiness. Moreover, their relationships will be promoted during these activities.
    Admittedly, some children spend lots of their time on the cell phone or online games. It is because children have less self-control. They need people to guide their way. For instance, parents can select the certain games which won’t cause addiction and can develop children’s intellectual for children to play. What’s more, parents can also restrict the time children use the cell phone or play online games.
    In summary, I disagree with the original viewpoint for the reasons that those activities can help children in finding information and getting rid of stress, even help them promote their friendship.

    December 12, 2020 at 6:09 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    3. Article errors

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